Tuesday, May 4, 2010


Although I don't consider myself a step-mom, I get stuck in the position of having some situations that makes me feel like the wicked step-mom that never gets put in a win-win situation.

Because the daughter is such a mess, Cowboy wants to help her out again. He is talking about buying another car for her. Never mind, we are still paying for the last car and she hawked it for $500.

Really, what do I say. If I say, don't do it, I become the bad guy. But with all my might, I cannot agree with it. So I'm in a lose-lose situation. And I hate, hate it.

Cowboy feels so bad about what she is doing that his response is to help her. He doesn't have the money and he would have to use my (technically) savings account. He says he will get a job to pay it back. WTF, really. You don't want a job now for us but he will get one to enable his daughter. He wants to know that he has done all he can to help her. Really, as if he hasn't done enough.

We can't talk about this because it leads to arguments. We are on such opposing side of this situation.

I will pray and pray some more.


MJ said...

i hope you will share this with him--

Cowboy, you are a GOOD dad. You care about your daughter, that much is obvious, but you are not to blame for her decisions. She is an adult now, and the best way to help her is to let her see the consequences of her actions.

My parents refused to enable my stupid decisions--if I got a speeding ticket, I had to pay it. If I wrecked my car, I had to find a new one.

I am a self-sufficient woman now, because they refused to help me out. I was upset at them for it at the time, but I can honestly tell you that I am a better person for it.

Just because you don't buy her a car, doesn't mean you don't love her. You do, that is WHY you won't buy her a car. She will be much more appreciative of what she has if she has to earn it. And if SHE'S the one forking over $2000 for a car, she won't be pawning it for $500. And if she does, SHE'S the one taking the loss, not you.

The most difficult part of parenting sometimes is taking a step back. I don't envy your position at all, but from someone who's come through to the other side, I can tell you it's worth it.

Caroline said...

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I know the whole situation is really hard...for both of you. Maybe Cowboy should call my parents and get some tips on how to completely cut your child out of your life.