Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I'm going to do it.

How many post have I written about my weight??? Too many to count and not do anything about. We are three months away from my big day and I don't want to get married weighing the heaviest that I ever have in my entire life.

Dr. Phil says you can't change something unless you acknowledge it. So here it goes. I weigh 198 lbs. Two pounds short of 200. And today I'm starting to do something about it.

It started with a 5:30a gym visit. I am planning on eating healthier and exercising. I would like to shoot for losing 2 pounds a week for the next 12.

I'm starting a "fit club" at work and it will be my motivation to stay focused on my goal.

No more whining and not doing anything. No more complaining. I have never weighed this much and it's too much!

The time is now... I'll keep you updated, to hold myself accountable.

PS..I had my last cherry coke until after the I do's.

Monday, December 29, 2008

I'm tired.

Just a few more family pictures. Here are the boys--my dad, nephew and Cowboy.

The last pic to share from Christmas--guess who got a little wound up and had to take a time out. It was the cutest thing in the world.

I'm tired, emotionally and probably a little physically. Although Christmas was good, it was challenging and at times difficult and frustrating. I know that I have mentioned that my mom suffers from bi-polar disorder. Most of the time she is medicated appropriately and everything is good. Then she will have periods of depression and mania. Although, the depression is not good for her, it is easier to deal with. The mania gives her lots of energy but is often more difficult for the family to deal with.

It seems like the holidays have been during a period of depression or mania. I can recall three holidays in the past several years that have been challenging. One when mom was so depressed that she needed to be told what to do and two in which the mania was present.

About four or five years ago, I spent 10 hours at Thanksgiving time cleaning the house and getting ready for the family and then another 13 hours at Christmas time cleaning again and getting the house ready for family. It was very emotionally hard on me. I think that I tend to see more of what goes on with my mom because I go to the farm and stay versus my siblings that live around there and are only there for a couple hours at at time.

I knew that the mania was present this year at Thanksgiving time. It shows up as the house being very messy with lots of projects started and not finished. There are lots of "I'll get to that in a little while". There are lots of lets do this and then get on to something else.

I love my mom dearly and am very thankful for her. However, the holiday was challenging. Cowboy saw it for the first time. I over function and do a lot around the house. I know I could say no, but really, can you say no to a mother with mental illness. It takes a toll on me. (Kim, don't read this and feel guilty.) I get tired and need a break. My dad did acknowledge that I do a lot but we all seem to be at a loss at times like this and don't really know what to do to 'fix' it.

Several years ago, I did get my mom to go to counseling and on proper medication.

It's just hard. So I'm tired. I need time to rest and recover.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Christmas is Over

Christmas is over, both sadness and joy are present. I had a very blessed holiday and enjoyed my family and the time that we spent together. I love Christmas and so I'm sad that it is over for another year. Here are a few pics of our time together.

New Christmas sweatshirts-Mom and her girls minus one sister.
My great-niece and her new shirt thanks to Aunt MJ.

My two nieces that are not from the same family but could be sisters instead of cousins.

My sister, Kim, who reads my blog, and our nephew, laughing with each other.

I was down on the farm from Wednesday to Saturday and Cowboy was down there until Friday. We had two family gatherings and one day of shopping, first with the boys (dad and Cowboy) and then with the girls (my mom and sister). There was a lot going on. My mom's birthday was yesterday so I was able to spend the day with her.
It was good spending time with the family. I love being around my siblings and my parents. I think that I am very fortunate to have such a good, kind, and loving family. At a time when the world seems tough, I am very thankful that my parents did such a great job of raising a family that enjoys being around each other.
I hope everyone was as fortunate as I was this holiday season.
I have lots more to talk about but will do it in another post.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

2 days left

Can you believe it's almost here? Christmas is just 2 days away as if anyone needs reminding. I have my packages bought and wrapped. I have my laundry done and packed for our trip. I have everything organized and ready to go. I can't believe that I actually got everything done. I'm relieved and glad. I have a few things to finish doing before we leave for the farm.

Cowboy and I are having a tough time deciding what to do for the trip to the farm. He doesn't want to stay down there from Wed to Sunday and neither do I but we had a change of family plans. My family always gets together on Christmas Eve. However, with Christmas being on Thursday, most of the family has to work on Wednesday. So we are having a small gathering on Wednesday and the big family gathering on Saturday. Saturday is also my mother's birthday. That means we will be down on the farm 4 days. We were just there for Thanksgiving and for a holiday dinner two weeks ago. I love my family but I also really like the quiet and comfort of our home.

I think we will drive two vehicles down and Cowboy will come back early with a load of wood and I will come back on Sunday. Who knows how this will all work out?

Cowboy and I exchanged gifts today. I wanted a new coat and he shopped for hours and bought me not one but two new coats. I loved them both. He got a new razor and he loved it. So we are both happy campers tonight. He also took me out for an awesome chicken dinner with enough leftovers for lunch tomorrow.

Life is good.

Monday, December 22, 2008


I will just preface this with one thing. It was amazingly, freakin' cold yesterday. What I won't do for my friends. My best friend and her husband came to town from Florida to go to the game. It was only hmmm.... 8 degrees with a wind chill of -20. We were there from the kick off to the very last tick of the clock. Cowboy left with 3 minutes left of the game to warm up the truck and when we got there, no warm truck and even more important no Cowboy. I called him and he walked around the whole stadium looking for the truck only to find out he was about 100 yards away from the start.

It was still fun and the game was good. Larry was happy that Miami won. So I'm sure it was well worth the free tickets and $22 parking.
We came home to a cold house. The wood stoves are having a hard time keeping up. After getting somewhat thawed out we met our college friends out for dinner and a few drinks.

I can hardly believe that we all met in '84 and still don't miss a beat when we all get together. It was a fun evening. I was glad to see my best friend again. It was even better seeing her and my other friends again.

On a whole other subject, my back and hip are still hurting me. I can truly say I know why some people would turn to taking lots of pain pills. I haven't been able to sleep and the heating pad is my best friend. I know that I should go to the doctor but haven't taken the time to go. I know, I know don't complain if I'm not going to do anything about it.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Guess Who is Done

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care. MJ was sleeping well in her bed with the shopping all done and the presents all wrapped.

Thank goodness for girlfriends and power shopping. I was done before I knew it. I had vowed that I was going to shop all day and into the night if I had to. I was home by 1:30p and had everything wrapped by 4:30p. Cowboy was pleased with everything that I brought home and I found lots of great deals. The biggest bargain that I really wanted was a Wii. I left it in the store. It was on sale for $249. I was so tempted but left it sitting on the shelf. That was a tough one for me to pass up since I really want one.

Just to let you all know how much color Cowboy brings to my life. I came home the other day and was greeted by Cowboy wearing my new hat. He pretty cute in it but I'm way cuter than he is with it on.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow and seeing my friend again. The temperature is supposed to be in the single digits. I'm not sure that I have enough clothes to keep me warm. I'm sure that Sherry and her hubby will be even colder than I will since they have blood thinned by the Florida weather. Oh what we do for our friends.

Friday, December 19, 2008

I've Gotten Started

Cowboy moaned and groaned the whole night but he went Christmas shopping with me. He carted me around to every mall, shopping center and store that I wanted to go to. He was a little bah-humbug the whole time but he did it. He doesn't have a lot of money so he doesn't really feel like he can spend lots of money.

I received a little blessing in my pay check today. My boss did my evaluation (6 months late) and I got retro pay. I always think its going to be more but I was thankful for what I got. This will let me do my Christmas shopping with out much guilt.

The work Christmas party was a smashing success. I've gotten started on my Christmas shopping and all my little projects are done.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel and rest is on the way. My back is still hurting but I have a few pain pills from my eye surgery that I may take to help me sleep.

On a side note, we have not heard from or spoken to Cowboy's daughter for about 5 months. We found out her new phone number and Cowboy called her. She's mad at him and the call didn't go so well. A couple of days later I called her and invited her over around Christmas. I talked with her again last night and she agreed to come over next week. Say a prayer that she follows through.

Off to bed, lots of shopping to do tomorrow!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

I'm tired

It dawned on me today how tired I am. Not just physically tired but mentally tired as well. Work has put so much on my plate. Trying to get ready for Christmas, has worn me out. And my freakin' hip/back is still killing me. I haven't slept the whole night through for two weeks. The heating pad is my best friend and I hate sleeping on my back.

I want Santa to bring be a month off of work and a well back and nothing but fun. Not to much to ask. Please, please, please, Santa hear my wishes.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

8 Days left

Sadie is kinda sick. The picture is from my parents house. She waits under the table for something to eat and my mom has a hard time saying no to her. At my parents house, they don't do a good job of putting food away. Given that, Sadie ate half of a red forest cake. Last night, she didn't eat her food and today she threw up what she ate this morning. Sadie is a fanatical eater so missing a meal is a big deal. I hope she not getting to sick.

So there is only 8 days left. I'm no closer to getting Christmas done. In fact, I've started more projects and finished none.

Saturday will be the day for shopping. Sunday, my best friend and her hubby are coming to town and we are going to the football game. Never mind that the temperature will be around 19 degrees, holy shit, it will be cold. I'm excited about their visit.

I have to get busy!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Almost done

Here is my picture frame Christmas ornament. Looking cute!

The Program

I have never had the opportunity to go to my niece or nephews school program so staying an extra day at the parents and getting home a midnight on Monday night was well worth it.

Here is the best story of the night. This cute little pre-schooler stood on stage with his hands politely in front of him (him in the middle). As he stood their, he started playing with is "privates". I thought it was nerves. I kept an eye on him amongst laughing at all the little ones. They were adorable. When the songs were done, I glanced back at my 'boy' and poor thing, he was walking off the stage with his legs spread wide apart and the whole front of his pants wet. Poor little boy.

BooMan was a super star in the play. He sang his solo like a pro and said his lines like he was born on stage. But like every superstar he had a blooper. He messed up his easiest line. The line was "No"--he started saying something, looked at the teacher and said "What" and then said "No". My dad oohed and aahed over his performance, thought he was comparable to Perry Como or Bing Crosby...I would say my father is A LITTLE BIASED.
Little Miss did a great job playing the flute and then was a part of the chorus and did a great job. She wasn't feeling good so her dramatic flair was not as flaired.

The trip home was good. We got home at midnight to a very cold house--it was 55 degrees. It was 10 degrees outside. Our wood stoves were out and the furnace was down low. BRRRRR

I'm really glad we took the time and went home for the weekend. We were able to get a few more things done for my Mom. We got the Christmas tree up, a shelf put up for her and some blinds taken down. Cowboy keeps reminding me that some day I won't have parents so I need to be patient.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

It was a Smash

The brunch for the neighbor ladies was a smash. All the little old ladies, seriously some very old, showed up in their best Christmas sweaters and just thanked me over and over again for hosting such a nice event. It was really fun to get to meet several ladies in the neighborhood that I had not met before. It was also fun to spend time with some that I had met but did not know very well. This really cute lady around 80 years old told me that Cowboy looked handsome in his cowboy hat and if she were younger she would "steal him away from me". The thing about it is that I believe she meant it.

We are now down at my parents house and went to a family dinner with all the cousins. Lots of questions about the wedding and the big day, etc. I had sent out Christmas cards with a little "Save the Date" cards tucked in. Many of them did not know about the engagement yet. They all seemed pretty excited.

The weather has turned pretty nasty. If school is closed tomorrow, the program is canceled and Cowboy and I will head back to the city early. I hope that doesn't get bad enough for that to happen. I would love to see BooMan sing. (Speaking of him, he might be taking after Cowboy. He shot his very first 8 point buck yesterday.)

Friday, December 12, 2008


TGIF--I'm glad the week is over but that means that I am closer to Christmas and I still have not bought one present. I still don't have my list made.

I am ready for the brunch tomorrow thanks to Cowboy. I'm having the neighbor ladies over. My Cowboy got the house all spiffed up and it looks fantastic. I have the food bought and most of it ready to pop into the oven. I'm a little anxious to see how many of my neighbors will show up. I know that I will have around 10 but if a whole lot more show up, I'm not sure where I would put them.

Cowboy is really funny. He complained all week about about having the "old biddies" tromping through the house and then he cleaned the place up so it is awesome.

This weekend will be a little crazy, brunch tomorrow, processing deer meat and then shopping with my friend. Sunday is the extended family dinner down on the farm and Monday were staying on the farm and then going to my nephews and nieces Christmas program where my nephew has the lead role and a solo. It will be the first time that I have been able to go to their Christmas party.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Power Tools

So here is my big secret. I love power tools. I have my own cordless drill, two years ago for Christmas, I got a miter saw. And today, my very own table saw. Ohh-Ahh. It's it beautiful.

We have a wonderful neighbor that we asked to use his table saw. He was all ready for us to use his until today. He brought me my very own table saw. Way above and beyond what a neighbor should do for us. His only condition--the only gift we can give him in the future is a wedding gift and he has vowed to never marry again. I was needing the table saw to make these gifts. They don't look like much but they will after they are painted and decorated. The are picture frame tree ornaments. Now before you think I'm a real genius, I got the idea out of a magazine. I'll post a picture when they are done.
But again, can I tell you how excited I am about my table saw. I may sleep in the garage tonight.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Check List

Christmas cards addressed, signed and sealed--Check.

This is progress. One step at a time. One thing down and 10 million to go. Really, when am I going to have time. If it weren't for Cowboy, I would have 20 million things to do. Next year, maybe no gifts, no cards and a Christmas boycott. But I can't do that. I love Christmas. I love the craziness. I just wish my house wasn't so junkie in the process.

Can't blog much, need to move on to the next thing.

And by the way--my boy does have sock tan lines--didn't realize they were so noticeable. Didn't I tell you he was a country boy and can't go without his socks.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Christmas Rush

Look who's happy about Cowboy being home. Actually, maybe she's waiting to lick the bowl.

Can you believe that Christmas is fastly approaching. How does it sneak up on me every year? I hate it when people say that they've finished their shopping. How does that happen? I don't even have a list of people that I want to get something for. Cowboy says that I'm trying to do to many things at once. Maybe I am but I have so much that I want to do. I feel like I need to be better at being organized but I can't seem to get there. Work is really crazy so I don't have a chance to catch my breath there. I'm trying to do wedding planning, Christmas and everything. I need to make a list. I need to put together a plan, but when will I have time to do that??

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Cowboy is Home

Cowboy made it home with his deer. He's a tired and worn out but had a good time. My back is feeling better. We're going to have a little dinner and just snuggle in for the evening. I'm glad he's home.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

It's beginning to look alot like Christmas

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas in our household. Yesterday and today have been a real struggle for me. My back is killing me. It is bad. I can only seem to get comfort if I am standing up. Sitting down and laying down are real killers. This happened to me a couple of years ago and I went to a chiropractor who said my back wasn't out and most likely a cold has settled into my back. That may be the case again.

Since my back is fine when I am standing up, I got a lot done today. All of our Christmas decorations are up and the house is clean. Cowboy is still gone and will be coming home tomorrow. He's gotten out of decorating again this year. Which also means, he's had no say in how much stuff I put up. The house is looking fabulous.

I am hosting a brunch for the ladies of our neighborhood next Saturday so I feel that I am at least ready to do that.

Last year, we had an open house for the holidays. It was a house warming/open house and I received a Christmas cactus. Much to my surprise, I didn't kill it and it actually bloomed this year.
Our mantel is all decorated. I could just sit in that room for hours with all the lights off. I love Christmas decorations and the spirit of the holidays.

I'm looking forward to Cowboy coming home. He's been gone since Wednesday. That's about the longest he's been gone leaving me at home since we moved in. He said he is having a great time and is happy about the results of the big hunt. He's been able to spend some time with his cousin and visiting old neighbors. I'm glad he is having a good time.

I have cookies baking in the oven and they are done... gotta go have some warm cookies and milk, couldn't wait for Santa.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Wedding Called Off??

He's calling the wedding off or so he says. This is the result of male bonding, a little hunting and a whole lot of whiskey. Cowboy called and said his buddies are giving him so much shit about getting married for the 4th time that he might have to call the wedding off, move into his cousin's barn and start building fence. Well, okay if that's what you want.

Cowboy then stepped out of the barn where the male bonding was occurring and said that was not what he wanted. Instead, he might want to invite his buddies to the wedding. Silly, whiskey soaked boy.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

10 point Buck

Well, the hunter called and told me that he shot the big 10 point buck. He was pretty excited and says now he is looking for the big doe to bring home. I'm happy for him. I must admit that I wish he would hurry home. Taking care of both wood stoves is a chore. I can do it but is so much easier when he is home.

My family had a little scare yesterday. My dad passed out and hit the table when he fell. He has a big shiner and went to the ER. The doctors thought it might be a result of the medication that he was on causing his blood pressure to drop. My dad is never sick. My mom is the frail one in the family. I have seen the effects of age on my dad in the past couple of years but he continues to work everyday and is generally very healthy. I think that this has scared most of the family. I hope it is the medication and they can find something else that works.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Feeling Shortchanged

So I called Cowboy today to check where he was. He was leaving to go deer hunting, so when I got ahold of him I asked where he was. He told me he was in Emporia and it was party night and he was going chase women. He informed me that I needed to hurry home and to take care of things. I told him that I had plans to go chase men. Gotcha...he was home. He's leaving early, early in the morning. He wanted to take me out for dinner and found a coupon in the mail for dinner. Fazoli's it was.

Our coupon was buy one get one free. I paid $7 and he pitched in $1.16. Dinner was okay. As we were driving away, he commented, "I'm feeling a little shortchanged, I only paid $1.16 and didn't get to tip anyone since no one came to our table". Crazy man! He makes me laugh. I'm never quite sure what will come out of his mouth. and if it will even make sense.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Thanksgiving ReCap

I didn't blog much about Thanksgiving because it was a whirlwind of work and I had to get a little space between it and me. My mother, bless her heart, seems to be going thru a 'manic' period right now. This most often shows by the condition of the house. Projects are started and never finished. Home was really difficult to walk into. I ended up cleaning and cooking for Thanksgiving and then next two days I spent orchestrating the redecorating of the living room, bathroom and bedroom. Below are the before and after pics of the bedroom. All projects turned out great and mom was really pleased but I worked my butt off and didn't get the restful weekend that I had hoped. Cowboy reminds me over and over that I need to be thankful to have my mother still here and he is right.

The final outcome for the bedroom. It has warm colors with lots of shimmery fabrics. Looks fabulous.

I really struggle with my mom's mental health issues and sometimes get really resentful that she has periods of time that are worse than others. I also think it's harder on me than my siblings since they never stay at my parents home (they all live close to mom and dad). I know in the end I'll be glad that I have done so much for my mom but sometimes it's really hard.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Thelma and Louise

This is the story of Thelma and Louise. Not the movie and not the sad ending. Cowboy left my parents house yesterday about 1:30p to go deer hunting. On his way, he spotted two little puppies along the roadside, wet cold and hanging out in the ditch. Cowboy went on to his deer stand thinking the puppies belonged to the house that they were a block away from.

He left the deer stand around 6:30p and drove back the way he came. The puppies were in the same spot--by the road and in the ditch. He drove back to the house and pounded on the door. The lights were on but no one came to the door. Cowboy again left assuming that when the people came home they would see the puppies and take care of them.

As the night progressed, Cowboy thought and thought about the puppies. It was rainy, wet and very cold out. It would get down to freezing and the puppies were way out in the country where the coyotes would most likely get eat them sometime in the night. He looked at me around 9p and said he thought we should go check on the puppies. Off we go, over to see if the puppies were still there.

We find the puppies in the same spot and go to the nearby house. He gets the lady to come to the door. They aren't hers and she doesn't want them and could really care less about them. We drive back by them and they are shivering, yapping and just wondering around. Some sorry SOB dropped them off there. The puppies were very very sad. It didn't take long to decide that we needed to take them. Where, we didn't know. So off to my parent's house we go with the puppies.

I gave them a warm bath, picked the stick tights off them and got the bugs off of them. I dried them really well, and gave them some milk. They ate like they hadn't eaten in days. We soaked some of Sadie's dog food in water until it was soft and fed it to them. They were so much happier and Cowboy named them Thelma and Louise.
They slept in a plastic tub for much of the night. We were up a couple of times in the middle of the night for potty breaks, more eating and drinking. They were so friendly and cuddly cute. I called all the shelters this morning in the area an it was a no go. There are not many options in that part of the country. So we loaded them up with us and headed to the city. I was so worried and unsure of what we would do with them.

Sadie was not happy. She doesn't like little white furry things and rode home with me, basically ignoring me the whole way. I could tell she wasn't happy.

Thelma and Louise were perfect car riders. We found out by a dog person, they were most likely a lab mix and were about 4-5 weeks old. They didn't make a peep in the car.

We got about half-way home to a small town in KS, Garnett and stopped at the convenience store on the edge of town. I got ready to leave and Cowboy motioned for me to come back. He took Thelma and Louise into the store and told their story. A man driving a very nice pick up truck with Texas tags, scooped one up and said, 'This one's mine"--he was headed to home to give it to his daughter. Another family passing through from Oklahoma to Illinois ( I think they went to the OU/OSU game), fell in love with the other puppy and headed home with her.

Although, I'm sad they didn't stay together, I am so thankful to those wonderful people with huge hearts and a generous spirit. I hope Thelma and Louise have great lives. So much better than going to a pound or being eaten by coyotes.

On this Thanksgiving weekend, I am doubly thankful for Cowboy and his huge heart to care enough about those little cold, wet puppies.

Godspeed, Thelma and Louise.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The week is almost over!

I am ready for a vacation. I'm ready to get away. I ready to be anything but the person in charge and worring about everything. I'm ready to go home.

Although I have my own home, one that I love dearly, I'm ready to go home. My parents live in the same house that I grew up in. When I was around 9, they turned a 5 room house into a 5 bedroom home by adding on. That is my home. It is the place that I find comfort and energy. No one sees me as the boss. No one wants anything from me. They just want to be with me and I with them. The farm has no expectations.

Life on the farm is laidback. Time moves a little slower there. No one is in a hurry to go anywhere. Company comes for a visit and leaves three hours later.

The best part about going home is being with family. We'll spend lots of time just hanging out talking. Our Thanksgiving dinner will last several hours as no one is ever in a hurry to leave the table.

I'll sleep in and stay up late. I'll putz around in my jammies all day. I won't have to be anywhere at any time. I'm ready to go.

Monday, November 24, 2008

my workout efforts

The new treadmill has been awesome. It calls to me everynight to step on if for a while. I tell myself that I need to do it for my wedding, whatever it takes. I haven't gotten on the scales so I don't know if it doing it's job or not. But I'm beginning to feel more motivated to visit the treadmill everyday. Cowboy and I talked about going to the gym tonight. He had to go get his bow check so he could hunt this weekend so he wasn't home when I got here.

I changed my clothes and headed out to the gym. I had a great workout. Actually going to the gym is such a good thing for me. My stress automatically goes down. I feel so much better. I'm glad I went. If I can just keep this up, I might lose some weight before I say my "I do's".

Sunday, November 23, 2008

He's a good man.

He's a good man. I suggested that we have a Thanksgiving dinner for his kids this year. He has been so good about coming to all my family's holiday functions and never complains. So I suggested the dinner. I wanted to give him something back. He was hesitant but then agreed to it saying "That might be okay". So I went forward with it.

A couple of weeks ago, she started calling his daughter. For whatever reason, she is not returning his calls at the present time. (Most likely because she owes him money.) It's really sad that she won't call. He loves her and wants the best for her and tries to help her out when he can and she repays him by not calling. So he called her for the past couple of weeks and let her know the time that dinner was to be served. No daughter at dinner.

I mentioned dinner to his daughter-in-law and she thought it was a great idea. His son and DIL were in for dinner. However, this morning at 7:30 his son called and they had to leave to go out of town. DIL's grandmother is dying and they didn't think she would live through the day and was asking to see them. Cowboy was not disappointed because he understands. No son and DIL for dinner.

Despite no biological family, we surrounded ourselves with other "family". His adopted mother came to town last night and was here for the feast. His buddy, Fish, was here. And at the last minute, his other buddy, Chuck, made it to town. Dinner was awesome. I guess that family shouldn't be defined as blood related. Cowboy never once acted disappointed or threatened to call it off. He did surround himself with those that are important to him. I'm so proud of him and my heart is full for him.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Sadie's Ritual

Sadie has a ritual every night before she settles in. It is the funniest thing to watch. We call it her nesting. I was finally able to catch it with the camera.

I'm glad today is over. The state is gone. I dealt with my staff. I have a weekend of family stuff and I can sleep in in the morning. Life will be good for at least 48 hours.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

One more blog

Please induge me in one more rant about work. My staff have lost their freakin' minds. I have one crazy staff walk into my office and says to me, and I quote. "X is telling all the clients that she doesn't like me, you don't like me and I'm going to be fired. It's just a matter of time but I'm going to be fired and if the clients say anything they will be discharged." Really, WTF! Seriously, are we 2 years old. The state is still here for their audit and it's really not going well. My head was pounding so bad that I thought the top was going to pop off.


Wednesday, November 19, 2008


I think I have a new profession. I'm going to be a decorator. Mind you, that if you hire me, your house will probably end up looking like mine. I think I would be good. I love decorating my house and have tons of compliments on it. Most people say it looks warm and cozy, like a home and not a house.

My mom is going to be my first client. She is redoing three rooms in her house. We have picked out the living room furniture and it will be delivered Tuesday. We have the new bedding for the bedroom and I bought the accessories for the bathroom. She wanted fancy towels but they all look "old lady stuffy-ish" so I found these towels and prints and have to convince her to decorate the space with color and not towels.

My brother is looking at buying an new house. When I last talked with him about it, he said "you'll have lots of decorating to do". I told my sister-in-law that her house might end up looking like mine and she said "fine". What trusting family I have. There soon might be three houses in the world looking like mine.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Work Theme

I seem to be on a roll about work lately. Well, I'm going to blog about it again today. Let me start by saying I feel like shit and haven't slept well in the last two nights. I get to work today and am ready for the site visit and lo and behold, the state reviewer was not there. Where was he, sitting in his office. He demanded all these chart, records, etc and said he would meet me in an hour. When did he show up, hmm almost two hours later. How long did he stay...oh about 3 hours. Will he be back tomorrow, maybe?

You know what sucks- the staff worked so hard all week to get ready for the survey and then the state staff are not there long enough to appreciate all their hard work.

I had a very direct conversation with my staff today and told them they needed to step up their game. I really need supervisory help and it's on the way. A bittersweet situation. My job duties have increased so I can't and don't have time to provide the supervision that staff need and yet, I started the program and have a lot of ownership connected to it and hate to say that I can't do it.

Okay on a good note, Cowboy is on his way home. I've missed him. He didn't shoot Bambi so he's on his way back.

Monday, November 17, 2008

What to do?

I could go on and on here about how frustrated I am about work. I have staff that don't do their job and totally ignore what I have to say. I could bitch and moan about how I have some narrow minded, closed staff that think they know everything and just look stupid when they open their mouths. I could groan about how the State is coming in tomorrow to audit our program and how the people from the state are incompetent and a waste of time. I could do all of that but it won't make me feel any better.

So instead I will tell you what I was doing a year ago today. We had orchestrated the best move in the world--maybe that's a little bit of an exaggeration but it was one damn smooth move. Cowboy had his son and a buddy come to help and they moved all the big furniture in a moving truck and a pick up truck and trailer. My family showed up with 2 SUV's and a trailer so our 3 SUV's and the trailer carried all the small things and boxes.

Everyone pitched in and in no time--well actually in about 6 hours we were moved into our new home. The weather was amazing. We ordered BBQ and fed everyone well. There was fun and laughter. There was total cooperation by everyone. It was amazing. Cowboy and I didn't have one argument--probably cause we didn't see each other all day. When his crew was at one house we were at the other.

I remember around this time last year (10pm) is was sitting on the top step of our upstairs and was so overwhelmed and so happy at the same time. I was very tired and just laid back and thought how were we going to get all of this done. A year later, it was so worth it and I am very thankful that we had such wonderful family helping us with the move.

Happy house anniversary, Cowboy! His comment, "that's when we became 'common law married' ".

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Blah Sunday

Cowboy left this morning to go deer hunting so Sadie and I were left to our own devices today. I went to bed not feeling well and woke up feeling pretty crappy. I haven't really done a lot today. Napped and then napped some more. I did finally get all my flower pots dumped and put up for the winter. I then had to come back in the house for a nap.

I mustered up enough energy for a shower and then did a little shopping for my mom. We are working together to re-decorate her house so I bought towels and art for the bathroom. Then it was back home to lay on the couch again. I have to feel better soon, I have to much going on to be sick until after Thanksgiving.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Just a Saturday

Cowboy and I stayed up late Friday night so we slept in for awhile this morning. I love just lying in bed with him in the morning talking about our days, past and future. On the 17th of November last year, we moved into our house. Last year on this date, I closed on my house. A house that I loved, my first house. I always thought that I would be so sad to leave that house, but I love our new one so much that I don't miss the old one at all.

This morning, I looked out the window and saw our first dusting of snow on the deck. It's kind of funny that I have a few snap dragons in bloom on the deck as everything around is starting to hibernate for the winter.

Cowboy and I were going to go to the gym but he got busy selling things and then his buddy called and off he went to cut wood. We haven't turned on our furnace yet, thanks to our two wood stoves keeping the house at a nice 70 degrees.

It did give me a chance to do a little shopping. I visited this place called Old Time Pottery, a great warehouse for household things. I was on a wedding mission. I'm planning on having chocolate colored table cloths and found these place mats to go in the center. Cowboy is going to cut chunks of wood for me and then drill out the centers and we'll put the candles in the wood for the center pieces of each table. I got all the place mats and candles (complete in votive) for $60. I was thrilled. I'm slowly knocking off my list of things to do for the wedding.

I think that I'm coming down with a cold. I have a cough and my chest is tight. However, I think that I also might have missed a few days of allergy medicine--that doesn't help. I was called for Jury duty to start tomorrow and found out last night that I don't have to report--yeah. However, the State is coming to certify our programs this week--yuck. I hope I feel up to the week ahead.

Cowboy leaves tomorrow to go hunting again. I'm going to have to be more organized to be on time for work. He truly is my teammate!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Trying Day

Yesterday and today were very trying days at work. My morning yesterday started out pretty shitty when my favorite counselors came into my office and said she was transferring to another unit. I'm was totally caught of guard and shocked. The really sucky part was that the team leader that offered her the position--said nothing to me. I could pull rank because I'm indirectly her boss and say "No f..king way" but I won't do that, that's not who I am.

Then today I had two other staff members fighting like two teenage kids. I felt like a referee all day. These are the kind of days that I wish I was not in managment and had a job at Target being a greeter!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

In Rememberance

I usually write about Cowboy and I but today I think I'll depart from that just a little. This is the story of Gwen.

I got a call last week from Paul, an employee of mine, who said he was calling to tell me how much he appreciated my support and all that I had done for all of them two years ago. He said he respected the way I handled that time and how grateful he was to work with me.

Two years ago at this time...Gwen.

Gwen was a 64 year woman that had worked for our company since she was 17. She worked in the food service department and in one capacity or another and through mergers and buyouts she stayed with the same company, although it had multiple names. When I went to work for our company, Gwen was the Food Service Manager. She was a wonderful woman. Very kind and loving. The client's called her "Grandma" and her staff thought of her as their "mother". There are really no words to express what a kind, gentle soul she was.

I became her 'supervisor' in March '07. I wouldn't really categorize myself as her supervisor since she was so much wiser and more experienced than I was. She was fantastic to work with. When I would ask her for something, she was johnny on the spot and make it 10x more or 10x better than what I requested. She was truly amazing.

We were in the process on moving our business and Gwen was a big part of that process. We were scheduled to meet at 9a to go visit our new location and look over her new kitchen. I arrived at work and waited for her. She wasn't there. Very unusual since Gwen was always at work. Even when she was ill, she was at work. And when she wasn't at work, she was calling work to check on work.

I called down to the kitchen and no Gwen so I left to go visit the site. Work tried to call me several times in the hour I was gone. When I got back to work, Gwen's staff came to my office to see if Gwen was with me. They knew something was wrong. What I didn't know until then was that Gwen would call before she came to work to let them know she was on her way and then around 10a her son would call to make sure she made it to work.

Her staff mobilized, one started calling, one went to her house and one called the police. Over the next hour it was a process of them convincing the police that something was wrong and they needed to enter the house. They knew her and knew her patterns-years and years of patterns of the same behavior. Their alarm bells made mine go off. I spoke with the police and told them -as if I had any authority- to enter her house. The police got a ladder truck their and entered through a second story window.

My next call was from a staff member at Gwen's house, Gwen was brutally murdered in her home. It was devastating news. I don't remember a lot from the rest of the week. The news crews were there every day. I had to call the family--never a call someone wants to make. I had a staff reeling from the news to deal with, It was awful. Gwen was such a loss.

The really sad thing was she was murdered by her only son when she refused to give him the keys to the truck so he could get more drugs. Gwen had spent the last 14 years feeding clients trying to recover from addiction and she lost her life to addiction by her son's hands.

When Paul called, he was thinking me for the support during that time. Really, he and the staff were the strong ones, the courageous ones and the ones that loved her so much that they mobilized the effort to find her.

I've thought of Gwen a lot over the past several days and find comfort in knowing that she is resting in Heaven. (Knowing Gwen, she is probably running that kitchen).

God Bless, Gwen.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Really It's Time

I have been saying for a while that I need to lose weight. I was at the same weight for such a long time and then it happened. My job exploded on me in March, '06. I was under an amazing amount of stress and moved from managing one program in one department to managing four departments and during that time, I lost all the managers that were working there. It has been a wild two and a half years. While my work life was crazy, my personal life was becoming more and more amazing. And all during that time, I gained around 30 lbs.

I really think that the stress that I was under really contributed to my weight gain. That is not an excuse. What is an excuse is the fact that I haven't done anything to change that. I have gone to the gym, tried to eat less, yada yada yada. Nothing has changed. I have set goals and watched my time lines go by and my waist line grow.

However, with the wedding coming up I'm really starting to get more serious. I have stopped drinking my favorite Cherry Coke. We have been going to the gym more regularly and I have been on my treadmill when we aren't going to the gym. I would really like to lose weight but I'm going to focus less on the number on the scale and more on the eating right and exercising.

We took some pictures the other day and I have one huge bootie. I just want it to slim down. I'm going to work hard. I have to. No more excuses. Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Other Options

Here are my other option for our wedding invitation. I think they turned out pretty well. I'm anxious to get the pictures back so I can get the invitations under way. I started on the cowboy boot for the front. I only have to cut out 100+. Oh what fun.

I want to talk about what an awesome guy Cowboy is. He is so good about doing the things that I want to do. I asked him to take pictures and go to the park to take them there. Instead of giving me a lot for grief and dragging his feet, he delayed his hunting and went along with me, no hassle. I have never known a man that was so good about trying to do the things for me that he does. I am a very spoiled woman and hope that I can treat him as well as he treats me. I'm so glad after all these years, we are together, a team and soon to be legally forever.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

My Cowboy

Cowboy and I had a really good weekend. We went on a date Friday night. Out to eat and then to a movie. We went to see Appaloosa. It was a pretty good western which is Cowboy's favorite kind of movie. Like crazy idiots, we went and played golf on Saturday. It was windy and cold. Not really that great to play. The good thing was that we were one of the only fools out there playing. Don't tell Cowboy, but he only beat me by 6 stokes, which technically means I won our bet. He wasn't happy and tore up the score card. It was cold and the weather played a big part in the high scores.
Saturday night was a good lounge around the house night. This morning, we met Caroline and her girlfriend for breakfast. It was nice to meet Susan since I hear so much about her. Caroline was kind of enough to take some pictures of Cowboy and I. I needed some pictures for our wedding invitation. This one is tops in the running. I've ordered it and a couple of others for a trial run.
This afternoon, I got a nap in. I haven't napped in a long time and just love to have a good afternoon nap. Cowboy woke me up and drug me off to the gym. After looking at some of the pictures, I needed to go to the gym. It was a good weekend.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Trial Run

So here is the trial run at our invitation. I had to order a few more things and I'm waiting on them to finish the inside. Cowboy's comment, "It's looks like us". I wish he would get a little more excited about the wedding. He said he was excited about marrying me but wasn't so thrilled with the "wedding" part. Of course, I can understand that, I might feel the same way if I had been married three times before.

I'm getting anxious about this whole deal. I really want to get to the fun part. I'm just going to try to stay as low key as possible. I only have about a little over 4 months to go. Yikes!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Wedding Plans

We well, I, have been working on wedding plans and feel like I've gotten a lot accomplished in the past two days. We now have a caterer, dj and photographer. The place is set. The date is set. I'm getting excited. Poor Cowboy, he's been thru this too many times to be excited. He would be so happy if it was just the two of us. I can't say that I blame him. But this is my first and I just want to celebrate. So I'll forge ahead.

This week has already been a long one for me. We've been getting up early to go to the gym and work started off not so good. I'm glad today is Wednesday. We don't have any big plans for the weekend, I need a couple of days of rest. Cowboy said he may go hunting, please, please. The house to myself for the weekend sounds like heaven.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Election Night

There are three things that I choose not to discuss with people. I think that politics, religion and abortion are three very personal choices that are just for you. I have however, been very interested in this election. So no matter what your choice or reason you picked your candidate, I'm hoping you voted.

Cowboy has not voted for 20 years. I made him get registered and we went to the polls together. It always makes me feel so proud to exercise my patriotic duty and vote.

It is an exciting time in America and no matter the outcome, we all need to stand tall and be proud to be an American.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Somebody Loves the Kennel

So after much debate and trying to keep Sadie off the furniture when we are gone, we were totally losing the battle so we finally broke down and bought a kennel. ($50 off Craig's List). It was so much bigger than what we expected. But to our surprise, somebody just loves it. You can't tell by the pics but it is totally dark and I took this picture with a flash. Sadie usually goes upstairs and goes to "bed" around 8p. I went looking for her and she was in her new space. She has started sleeping more and more in the kennel. She doesn't seem to mind going in there. This has really helped Cowboy and I adjust to the transition of having her kenneled.

Yesterday she went in and got a bath and while she was gone, I washed all her bedding. Oh, I forgot to mention that not only did she get a kennel, she also got a new bed. She only has 4 beds now. We only have 3 people beds in the house. So our baby girl is clean and smells good and so does all of her bedding. She is a little spoiled.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Fall Color

I just wanted to share the fall color with you from my neighborhood. It's just beautiful out.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

A Perfect Day

When I was single, I would long for company and someone to spend my time with. I would have weekends where I wouldn't speak to another person and sometimes not even leave the house. Don't get me wrong, I love Cowboy and living with him and all that that entails. It just seems like, I don't have time to do just what I want to do but today, I did and the best part is that he was a part of the day.

We slept in until about 9am and then it was up for the day. While I gathered up the laundry, he made breakfast of toast and cocoa. I started cleaning the house and spent most of the morning dusting off ceiling fans and everything else that I hadn't had time to do for awhile. Those little things that were driving me crazy.

We then went to meet a guy looking for a Craig's List buy. Not exactly what we wanted and then it was off to Costco. I walked out of there for $60, my lowest total there ever, I think. We even ate hot dogs for $3 total for lunch.

We got my new treadmill moved up to the workout room. I'm so excited, it's like the Cadillac's of treadmills. It is very quiet. I can't wait to try it out.

I got the flower beds cleaned out and leaves raked. I love doing yard work and it felt so nice to be outside working.

Cowboy bought two tennis rackets at a garage sale for $6 and we found a tennis court and played for about an hour. I haven't played for about 30 years. It was fun and I did a little better than I thought I would.

I came home and put a meatloaf that I made earlier this week in the oven and took a bath in the jacuzzi tub. I made some apple crisp and now, I'm kicked back for the evening.

The perfect day. I feel like I accomplished a ton, I'm tired and ready to relax.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Amazing Day

Yesterday I was forced to sit in my office all day while we went through mediation with our slum landlord at work. It was a very interesting process that lasted all day. The best part was that it forced me to stay in my office and get everything done that I needed to get done for the past several months that I had not gotten done.

By doing all of that, I felt pretty good about taking half of the day off today. I left at noon and headed to the golf course. I beat Cowboy there and called him to see where he was. He feeds me some line about being at home and waiting for Stevie to pick him up since our tee time was at "1:43". When I asked him about being at home, he said he was almost to the golf course. I decided to feed his line of BS back to him and told him that got caught up at work and was just then leaving. ( I had his clubs in my car). He hung up. I guess he was just ranting and raving to Stevie all the way to the course. When they got there and saw me, Stevie was just laughing. I got Cowboy good.

I started to get my swing back and almost beat Cowboy on the back 9. Stevie told Cowboy what I was doing wrong and Cowboy passed that along to me. I made the change and it made a world of difference. I was standing up during my swing and then hitting the ball off to the right. Much better after I made the adjustment. I enjoyed the game so much more and was far less frustrated. I would almost be up to playing again tomorrow.

The best part, I had the cart to myself and Cowboy and I didn't get into it all day. It was awesome. Well worth taking the day off.

Cowboy also bought me a new treadmill today for $75. It is a much nice model than the one that I have so we are going to switch them out tomorrow and put my old one on Craig's List.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Grumpy Butt

Guess who was a Grumpy Butt when I got home. Goodness, he can be grumpy and grouchy at times. Cowboy does not have any filters. He just says what he thinks and doesn't seem to be able to stop once he gets wound up. We went to dinner and he seems to calm down some but got all wound up again once we got home. He is finally calm now and seems to be relaxed. The ongoing issue seems to be that he will get a plan in his mind and when that doesn't happen he has a hard time of adjusting and going with the flow. If he doesn't have a plan in place, he is very adaptable.

Sadie got a new bedroom today. We found a kennel on Craig's list and brought it home today. We told her it was her new bedroom and she went in it and didn't come out for 10 minutes. I think we are both feeling good about it. We have set it up in our spare bedroom so it's out of the way and when we have company it will be easy to collapse and slide under the bed. We are now on "Operation Off The Furniture". Our hope is to keep her off all the furniture and human beds. My gosh, she only had three beds of her own.

I am taking the afternoon off tomorrow and playing golf with my man and our neighbor, Stevie. Stevie won't let him have a temper tantrum. Stevie doesn't put up with that shit from him. Should be a good afternoon. Let's hope anyway.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Sick Em'

Cowboy has taught Sadie how to chase squirrels on command. All you have to do is say "Sick Em' " and she will take off in search of squirrels. Sometimes, she can't find them but she will run around looking for them. It's so awesome.

Happy birthday to my big SIS. My oldest sister, which by the way is only 23 months older than me, is having a birthday today. She has been an awesome big sister and I love her dearly. Despite all that she has going on in her life, she always makes time to listen to me and make me feel so important to her at that moment. I love you, Kimmer Kay.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Our own personal dishwasher

Just beware, if you come to our house just know that we have a dishwasher. Our dishwasher works hard to make sure that every dish is spotless and slick as a whistle. All we have to do is put the dish away. No water, no electricity and very efficient.
Cowboy made it home. No Bambie in his truck. It's good to have him home.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Single Again for a day

Oh my, I had forgotten what it was like to be single (alone). Cowboy does so much for me that I was almost late for work today. Having him gone just makes me realize how much I rely on him for everything I do. He is truly a blessing in my life.

I did a little shopping tonight and bought all the things I need for our wedding invitations for a whopping $35 dollars. I'm so excited. I can see how weddings can get very expensive fast. I'm finding it tough to fight off what others expectations are versus what I really want. People keep asking me about my dress. I'm not going to have a wedding dress. I will wear a dress for the ceremony but after that, jeans baby.

I really don't want this to be fancy. We are not fancy people. I want simple and fun. Cowboy is a sport and he asks a few questions but doesn't say a whole lot. He says he's not good at this stuff. I put him in charge of the beer. Good task for him. We'll get this done our way I'm sure.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Busy Day

Today was a busy day. My mother is in town for a girls weekend with friends from High School. I had to pick her up at 10a. So Cowboy and I went out for breakfast. He was leaving for a couple of days. He had decided that he needs to go sit in a tree stand and try to bow hunt. To damn cold for me, but if that floats his boat, go for it.

Mom and I went shopping. She is re-doing three rooms in her house. We found new living room furniture. She also bought a new mattress. She is having trouble sleeping on her. But then again it only about 25 years old, no wonder. Then it was off to find bedding. We hit a sale and she got a comforter, pillow shams, bed skit, sheets, curtains and two throw pillow for $200--score. Especially in light of looking at some duvet covers that were $150 by themselves.

She is really thrilled about the new stuff and is anxious to get it all done. We are going to paint and find carpet around Thanksgiving. Lots to do.

So I asked her if she wants to come to my wedding. I thought she was going to jump out of the car when I told her it was going to here in KC. I also asked my brother to officiate the ceremony. I think he is going to do it.

I admire my brother a lot for his faith in God and his devotion to living a good life in the name of the Lord. He is religious but you would not know that by meeting him. He truly lives by example and I can't think of anyone better to help us.

The only down side to getting married here and not in Vegas is our wedding date is not 3-6-9, bummer.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Let the plan begin.

Picture walking up to this place and getting ready for a wedding here.

This end has enough space for an actual wedding. If that is something we wanted to do.

This center area will hold around 250 people with tables, a dance floor, dj and whatever else.
Cowboy and I went to look at this place for our reception. It is out in the country on 600+ acres. It is amazing to drive up to with a white picket fence around the property and a brick road leading up to the barn. It was beautiful on the inside. I originally thought that we would need to do a lot of decorating but it is amazing all on its own. We are going to have our reception there.
Then my friend, Dr. T and I started planning the big day. It is overwhelming to me but I'm starting to have a plan. I'm sure it will all come together. We decided on what the cake will look like, the colors of the table linens, the decoration, the caterer and a few other things.
On my way home, Dr. T called and made a suggestion that instead of going to Vegas to get married, why don't we just do it there.
We are going to have family pictures taken before the wedding.
So Cowboy and I started talking about it. We may save our money for a honeymoon and tie the knot here. My family will get to be there that way. It will be small and private and then the big loud reception. It may happen that way. I'm sure my mom will be thrilled.
Oh my, more planning.