Monday, December 29, 2008

I'm tired.

Just a few more family pictures. Here are the boys--my dad, nephew and Cowboy.

The last pic to share from Christmas--guess who got a little wound up and had to take a time out. It was the cutest thing in the world.

I'm tired, emotionally and probably a little physically. Although Christmas was good, it was challenging and at times difficult and frustrating. I know that I have mentioned that my mom suffers from bi-polar disorder. Most of the time she is medicated appropriately and everything is good. Then she will have periods of depression and mania. Although, the depression is not good for her, it is easier to deal with. The mania gives her lots of energy but is often more difficult for the family to deal with.

It seems like the holidays have been during a period of depression or mania. I can recall three holidays in the past several years that have been challenging. One when mom was so depressed that she needed to be told what to do and two in which the mania was present.

About four or five years ago, I spent 10 hours at Thanksgiving time cleaning the house and getting ready for the family and then another 13 hours at Christmas time cleaning again and getting the house ready for family. It was very emotionally hard on me. I think that I tend to see more of what goes on with my mom because I go to the farm and stay versus my siblings that live around there and are only there for a couple hours at at time.

I knew that the mania was present this year at Thanksgiving time. It shows up as the house being very messy with lots of projects started and not finished. There are lots of "I'll get to that in a little while". There are lots of lets do this and then get on to something else.

I love my mom dearly and am very thankful for her. However, the holiday was challenging. Cowboy saw it for the first time. I over function and do a lot around the house. I know I could say no, but really, can you say no to a mother with mental illness. It takes a toll on me. (Kim, don't read this and feel guilty.) I get tired and need a break. My dad did acknowledge that I do a lot but we all seem to be at a loss at times like this and don't really know what to do to 'fix' it.

Several years ago, I did get my mom to go to counseling and on proper medication.

It's just hard. So I'm tired. I need time to rest and recover.


Lynilu said...

The holidays are hard on us under "normal" circumstances, if there is such. Then to have it complicated with this .... really tuff. I wish there were a quick fix, a magic wand, or that I could wiggle my nose. Nope.

Get some rest. You'll be fine and you'll be happy one day that you had this time. I admire you.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE that picture of Katie, how can you look at that and not smile!
You know I'm your biggest fan & I appreciate everything you do for our family. I'm sorry that it is hard on you. I hope you get the rest, mental & physical, that you deserve. Take time out this week to rest, as much as you can, before you start working on the wedding. Big sister's orders.
You always said I was very bossy!
Love you, Kim

Caroline said...

You are a very strong woman, but even the strongest people need a break every now and then. I agree with need to take some time just for you. Maybe take an extra day off with the New Year.

I am sorry that your Mom is not always well and I know how difficult that can be. Just remember that you have lots of friends that are here for you when you need to talk, vent, cry, etc.

Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

Monogram Queen said...

Bless you MJ, and please rest and be good to yourself. I would go above and beyond for my Mom too.

Speaking as the Mom of a 4 y/o who was quite a "handful" over Christmas - time out is NOT cute! LOL

MJ said...

Lynilu--I wish you could wiggle your nose also.

Kim-ok, ok boss

Caroline-thanks for the support

Patti- mom's are important aren't they--sorry about your 4yo handful