Monday, August 11, 2008

I was determined to move on

I was one determined gal to move on. I started dating. I dated the first guy after Cowboy for about 3 months to long...considering we dated 3 1/2 months. I kept dating him thinking it would get better...but no such luck. I started really working on finding men to date. I accepted blind dates from set-ups of well meaning friends. I looked on the Internet and even considered a dating service. I would date but nothing more significant than a couple of dates and then I would find something wrong with them and I would move on. Oneman had wrinkly stinking shirts...I think his clothes stayed in the washer to long...bye-bye. Another man, not competitive on the golf course...bye-bye. Then there was mister "let me only talk about me"..bye-bye.

I remember coming back to KC after visiting my parents and being very sick. I begged my parents to drive me 2 hours back to my house but they wouldn't go for it. When I got home, Cowboy was there. He looked so good. I hadn't seen him for about 2 years. He was charming and sexy and wanted to have a little romp in bed. It was probably the first time in my life, I said no. Not because I didn't want to but because I was so sick.

I heard from him a couple of months later. He had gotten married again to the gal with the four small girls. (Three weeks after he was at my house.) I'm glad nothing happened between us. He stopped by one more time after that but I was not home. He left a note saying he hoped I was doing well. Then he was gone. He moved out of state.

Cowboy was out of my life for about 2 years and I was doing well. I figured that I needed to do a little work on myself and had a very good friend that confronted me on many of my issues with Cowboy and with men in general. It was very positive growth for me and I was beginning to truly be open to a new relationship.

I became acquainted with a man that lived six hours from me. We had great conversation and had a lot of interests in common. I was planning on meeting him in about three weeks when I had a knock at my door. Surprise! Cowboy was on his way thru town (six hour out of his way).

He told me that he was getting divorced again. He was wrong to get married. He wasn't sure what he was doing with his life but his marital status would change again soon.

I'm not sure that I can do this again. It was November 2005. Can I go thru another heart break? Should I give him a chance again? I did drive 3 hours to meet Jeff. Nice guy and I might have been more interested if Cowboy hadn't have shown up. He still had my heart and as much as I tried not to, we were seeing each other again. It was very tentative at first. I remember New Year's Eve. He looked at me and said, "I think you are cheating on me". I just laughed and he did to. He was the not quite divorced guy. I knew then that things were going to be different.

This time he was different. This time I was different. We were more real with each other. We explored more of life together. We took our time....


Caroline said...

This story is so amazing. Have you really thought about all that you guys have gone through to be with each other??

If anyone hears your story and still says you guys weren't meant to be together...then they are crazy. I have never known two people that were meant to be together. The cool thing is the fact that not only are you guys together, but you are happy.

Caroline said...

I meant to say...

I have never known to two people that were meant to be together more then you guys.

Lynilu said...

Keep going .......!

Monogram Queen said...

Those steps are VERY hard to take.. the trust is hard to build but worth it in the end. Continue on now... :)