In My Blood

I don't know, call it all the beer or the sex talk or being alone in a strange town with someone that I will never see again. Maybe it was the fact that Cowboy was hot and sexy...Don't judge me but the combination of all the above happened and I let him follow me into my hotel room. We were just going to talk and maybe 'make out' a little. It had been a while since I had dated someone and he was sexy. The next thing I know, he was naked...wait, how did that happen. No really, how did that happen. I told him I wasn't that kind of girl and I wasn't. Never any one night stands for me. I was the good Catholic girl that didn't do that kind of thing. Well, one thing lead to another and when he was almost asleep, I reconsidered. (We still laugh about that.) Oh what fun!

Needless to say, after he left, I didn't get much sleep that night and I can't believe what I did. But it was so much fun. During the break at the conference the next day, Barb tracked me down in the bathroom to say that Cowboy was there and looking for me. Holy shit! I was in the same clothes as last night (I'd only taken one change of clothes.) Deep breath. He wanted to go for a motorcycle ride when I was done and maybe out to dinner. That's not how a one night stand was supposed to end. I had to decline since my family was meeting me at my house for the weekend. And just that quick, it was over. No numbers, no I'll see you again just bye.

About a month later, I called "E" town. I had found out enough about him to make the call. He was staying with his mother since his father just passed away. She took the message and that was that. A couple of nights later, I get a call from Cowboy. He was at a gas station three blocks from my house. And just that quick, it began. We "dated" or whatever you want to call it for about 3 months. It was a long distance relationship and I was in grad school. He was really not in a place of his life that he was ready to settle down. Out all night with the boys, partying, drinking, etc. I ended it and told him that he was to wild for me. About a month later, he called saying he missed me and wanted to see me. I said okay, silly me. We saw each other for about two months and then we were done again.

He was a blast to be around. But I was still in school. Different times in our lives. I couldn't get him out of my mind but I knew he wasn't the right one at that time.

Several months later, he showed up at my house. He had gotten married to a gal that was about 16 years younger than he was. It was a time of my life with him that I'm not proud of. He was in my blood. I couldn't think straight when he was around. That's what he was like for the next 5 years. Just popped in and then was gone. I knew he couldn't stay and I couldn't send him away. He was my addiction.

I finally moved. No forwarding address for him and no number he could call. Maybe I could move on.

Maybe....

Till next time...