Saturday, August 30, 2008

quick note

Quick hello from Florida. We had the "hula" birthday party at the country club pool. 14 7 year old girls. Talk about high pitched screams and crying spells. What a hoot! It was a huge success. Off to the beach tomorrow and Monday. Lots to do with the three little girls and it is so good to hang out with my best friend. We are so lucky that her husband is tolerant of my moving in for a week.

More when I get home, complete with pics.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Outside Update




I wanted to share with you the "fruits of our labor". The yard is looking good and all of Cowboy's hard work is looking excellent. Cowboy says he does the framing and I do the decorating. When I brought home all the flowers, he ranted on and on about them. Now he waters them and treats them with lots of TLC. He is obsessed with keeping the yard looking top notch. I must admit he does an outstanding job. Our yard has never looked better according to our neighbors. We get lots of comments from the neighbors which just boost Cowboy's already overinflated ego.
Tomorrow, I fly out to Florida. I'm going to the twins 7th birthday party and my God-daughters fourth birthday party. I have a hula skirt and lei waiting for me. I've very excited. We have to leave at 4:30a for the airport. Cowboy decided not to go. He said he wanted to wait and go on vacation together, most likely in March. (A vacation to get married, maybe???????)

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Turd Cutter

We were hanging out around the house and Cowboy started talking about pooping. I know, I know, why would you talk about pooping. I swear, he is obsessed with pooping. He is a regular pooper. I guarenteee that the minute I leave the house for the day, he is sitting on the pot "taking a dump". If he doesn't get time to "download", he just isn't right the whole day.

Not only is he obsessed about his own poop, he wants to know if I have "dropped a load" on any given day. He thinks I have poop problems because you can't set a watch by my pooping.

Today, he said he thought my "turd cutter" wasn't working. What? Turd Cutter? Isn't he a dandy.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

It's my challenge in life

Just a quick update, the ointment for the eyes allowed me to sleep well for the first time in a while. I'm convinced that it's going to work. Just 2 months and 29 days to go.

Once again, we went golfing. Probably not the smartest thing to do since I can only partially see. Cowboy is my challenge. I think that as long as we are together and are playing golf, he will be my challenge. Tonight, it wasn't about his golf or his swing or even anything about him. Tonight it was about how slow the people were in front of us or how backed up we were going to be. I, on the other hand, can be way more patient. I can wait and take our time an just enjoy the event and not the competitiveness of the game. It started on hole one when he wanted to start on 10, so for the first 6 holes that's all he talked about. Finally, we skipped ahead and played 11 and were going to come back and play 7 later. Still not good enough when we caught up with someone.

Dear God, Grant him patience. Grant him lots of patience and grant it to him quick or I'm selling my golf clubs!!!

Monday, August 25, 2008

More Eye Drama

You may be tired of hearing about my eye drama but if you chose to continue to read you will get one more dose of eye drama.

Since my eye surgery, my eyes have been dry. I use drops and my doctor suggested gel drops at night when the dryness seems to be at its worst. So that's what I've been doing. Yesterday was a particularly dry eye day. This is incredibly frustrating to me but I try not to complain and just deal with it.

This morning around 6a, Sadie woke up and started barking. She scared me to death but the worst part was that I woke up suddenly and opened my eyes. Just that simple action, felt like someone had taken a razor and shaved off my eyeball. The pain was intense. I couldn't open my eye and yet having it closed hurt. I couldn't cry and couldn't scream. I just kept saying over and over, it hurts, it hurts. Imagine someone taking their fingernail and scrapping your eye times 10.

I kept trying to convince myself that I was okay but I wasn't. I was finally able to navigate enough to take a shower. However, during the shower I made my next mistake and rubbed my eyes. Holy shit!!! Not only does my eye hurt but I can't see out of it. I just went thru a lot with my eye surgery and can't see. By now, I'm totally freaked out.

I called the eye doctor and they were able to get me in-- so instead of heading to work, I went straight to the eye doctor. Driving was the next challenge. My eye was very sensitive to light so not only is my vision blurry, it's watering like you would not believe.

I hate going to the doctors because my fear is that the doctor will say nothing is wrong and you are just being wimpy about this. My first clue that that would not be the case today was when the tech asked me to read the eye chart and I couldn't see any letter until the 20/200 letters came up. A big blurry C and D. Not good.

The doctor came in and checked my eye out. Same drill that I have been going thru for the past 6 weeks. He finally said, my eye looked like I described. The top layer of the cornea peeled off. He said it was "reoccurring cornea erosion". I checked it out and there are folks out there with amazing stories of how it has affected them. My eye is better tonight but still hurts. Doc said that I need to put an ointment in my eye (kind of like Vaseline) every night for 3 months. I will do what ever it takes to get better.

Essentially, my cornea isn't totally healed because of the surgery. With my eyes being dry, it hasn't healed back strongly and needs to strengthen so this doesn't happen again. Let's pray it works...I don't want to go thru this again.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Another Moment

I think we will all have those moments when we realize that our parents are getting older and more venerable. I have had a few of those with my mother but I had another one today. Mom got into some traffic when she was driving up yesterday and was a little frazzled when she got here. She made several comments about it but seemed to calm down after an hour or so.

Today, she started talking about the traffic again. She then jokingly stated that she would pay me $100 dollars to drive her to the south part of the city so she didn't have to drive in the traffic. We just laughed about it. She then started to get an upset stomach. (Very common for her when she is nervous). As the day went on, Mom seemed to get more and more sick to her stomach. I suggested an alternate route. She seemed to settle on taking that road home. Mom seemed to just be hanging out, which was very fine, but it was more of a hesitation about leaving. She finally said that she was going home and at the same time, got sick to her stomach.

She came into the living room, sat down, and said she felt silly for being so worried about driving home. I asked her if she wanted me to drive her, she said she would be fine and then started crying. I asked again and she said she wanted me to drive her. We did and she felt better and made it home okay. It was a realization that mom's confidence in driving in the city is very shaken and she most likely won't be able to come up again on her own.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

The Mom's are Here

The mom's have arrived. I spent the afternoon with my mom at the furniture store shopping for new furniture for her and Cowboy spent took his mom to the casino. Mom and I caught up with them there. Mom loved the penny machine because it seemed to have more bells going off more often. I really liked the blackjack table today. I ended up with enough money to buy dinner for all of us. I have typically been a loser at the table every time that I have gambled lately. I'm pretty excited about today.

He thinks he's my boss. Cowboy is standing over me right now telling me that I need to get off my new computer. My mom told me reply..."Who died and made you boss!" Cowboy didn't think that was so funny. He quickly informed me that he is the boss around the house. At least, I let him think that....we all know who the real boss is.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Nice Dinner

I went out to dinner with my friend, Dr. T. I haven't seen her for awhile and it was good to have dinner and hang out. It's amazing how time goes by and you don't see your friends like you should. I'm glad we made time to see each other and catch up.

Dr. T. you can read my blog but you have to call me!! Thanks for making time tonight.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

It's Been a Long Day

Today has been a long day. Work doesn't often take me out of town but today it did. We had a meeting this afternoon and a meeting in the morning about three hours away. So we are in a hotel tonight. The meeting today consisted of a training, which was so amazingly boring I thought I would have to jump up and take ahold of the lady doing the presentation and strangle her. Better yet, do something to take me out of my misery. OMG, it was so bad.

Cowboy has called already. He sure misses me when I'm gone. Has to have blow by blow of the days activities. He won't come right out and say it, unless it's close to bed time and I catch him at a weak moment.

Had to have a small chuckle last night. There was an article on the net talking about how men and women communicate differently. The article stated that often men don't say I'm sorry they just go about trying to make it better by taking you out to eat or washing your car. I guess that Cowboy has been saying I'm sorry all week for his childish behavior this weekend. I had to show him the article...his comment, are you trying to say something...yeah, babe--you can't say I'm sorry or I'm wrong... try it, it will say you some money.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Slow Down

Does it ever seem like life is just speeding by? I want it to slow down. I'm beginning to think there is only 20 hours in a day and 6 days in a week. Where is the time going? It seems like only yesterday that Cowboy and I had met. I'm sure it was just last week that we started living together. Work goes by in a blur. How do you make it stop? Can we ever make it just slow down? I've tried really hard to simplify my life but it seems that there is always something going on and more to do.

Back when I was single, I would wish for something to do. I could go a whole weekend and not talk to anyone or see anyone. My BF would complain about not having any time to herself and I would complain about not having anything to do.

When I was younger, I would wish for time to speed up. I couldn't wait for school, Chrismas break, summer vacation. Isn't it funny how things change as we get older. Has anyone found the secret to making time slow down???

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

One Very Good Evening

So tonight Cowboy decided that he needed to redeem himself. He suggested that we go to the golf course after work. Call me a glutton for punishment. Call me crazy. I went. There is a short golf course that you have to walk and it's fun to play if you have the right attitude. So we got there and started on number 10--number 1 was a little backed up. To my surprise, it was a very good night. Mr. "I need Anger Management" was Mr. "I'm really fun to play with". Cowboy was great. He played well and I played fairly well. It was really a fun night. He even agreed that it was fun. I told him that this was the Cowboy that I loved. He reminded me that I love him all the time. I let him know he was probably right but I sure didn't like him sometimes.

He did another really nice thing tonight. His "mom" is coming up this weekend so he called my mom and invited her up also. My mom was thrilled and thought it was so awesome that he called her. I don't think I can describe how much that meant to her. My mom has been a little jealous of Cowboy being in my life. She had me as a single woman for 40 years so when he came along things changed for her. She has to share me, not an easy task for her. He earned huge brownie points today.

I like days like today.

On a side note, I got my wireless connection all set up tonight. No more arguing over who needs the computer.

Monday, August 18, 2008

the New hair cut

I couldn't seem to take a good picture. We have been staying up late and getting up early and I look tired so here the best that I have. My hair seems really short but what can I expect after losing 8 inches. I love my new "do" and got tons of compliments on my hair. I can't believe that I don't take the time keep it up and try to look a little more stylish. I keep saying that I'll do better but I don't. Maybe this time I will.

Why can't men just say I'm sorry? Why can't my man say he's sorry? Instead, he'll take something that I say...like BBQ sounds good (I said that 2 days ago)...and he'll do that for me. We had a couple of spats this weekend and I come home tonight and he decided to go out for a ride in the convertible and BBQ. An "I'm sorry" would have been good enough. I don't think he likes to admit that he wrong, as least he does it in his own way.





Sunday, August 17, 2008

OH MY!!!

I have a new laptop! Who knows what I'm doing but I found a wireless connection and got on the internet. Oh boy, do I think I'm big time now. No more fighting with Cowboy over who gets to use the computer. I think I'm really going to like this. Now I just have to figure out how to use the darn thing....

I did it...8 inches off the head. Short hair with blond and red highlights. I'll post pictures soon.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

A weekend home

Finally after about 4 weeks of something going on during the weekend, we are finally home for the whole weekend. So we packed it full. We had a hind quarter of deer in the freezer so last night we grinded it all up and made summer sausage and jalapeno sausage. I'll let you know how it turns out. Then it was off to the gym. This morning, we were up early to go to garage sales, then running errands, and out on the golf course by 2p. Tonight it was watering the flowers, grilling dinner and doing laundry. Tomorrow, I'm finally cutting my hair short and looking for a new laptop. So much for a relaxing weekend.

So we had more drama on the golf course. I set up our tee times as a surprise for Cowboy. We went to a new course for me. He has played there several times and likes it so I thought we would try it today. We were paired with a couple of guys. They were pretty nerdy and a couple of so-so golfers. Play was slow. Cowboy started getting irritated and became a very unsportsman golfer. He is not a professional. He is not Tiger Woods. He will never make the PGA. But if he isn't playing like he is a par golfer (which he is not), he gets pissy. He has been playing with the neighbor who is his "anger management" coach. We decided that he is most comfortable with me so he thinks it's okay to be "nasty". I told him that he needs to do something different because I was tired of it and it wasn't fun for me when he was like that. I reminded him that I don't get to play more than on weekends and when I play, it's about being thankful that I'm not at work and that it's a beautiful day to play. He needs to change...I'll keep reminding him of that.

I have finally decided to cut my hair short. I don't pay attention to my hair. It's naturally curly and I can get by with not doing much to it. However, this time I have let this go on to long. I haven't had a hair cut for over a year. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Friday, August 15, 2008

I'm Tired


I am one tired girl! I had to work from 8:30a to 9p Wednesday and Thursday night. That made for a long week. It was really fine because much of it was spent with clients, something that I don't get to do often enough.
However, I promised Caroline that I would do this last night so better late than never:
7 things I plan to do before I die:
-become a mom
-get married
-travel to Europe
-score under 90 on the golf course
-go to Australia
-live in the country with Cowboy
-buy a Winnebago and travel the USA
7 things I can do
-smoke the golf ball down the fairway
-sew (almost anything without a pattern)
-drive a tractor to disc a field
-hang ceiling fans and install a thermostat
-refinish furniture
-change a tire
-clean out a hog house
7 things I can't do
-be a girly girl and wear high heal shoes all day
-run fast
-do anything mechanical with my car
-understand Cowboy when he talks about cars
-belch on command
-do anything in public that you aren't supposed to do
-back a trailer
7 things that attract me to the opposite sex
-muscles
-short hair
-height
-smiles
-nice teeth
-sense of humor
-ass
7 things I say most often
- Oh my
-whatever
-really
-
-
-
-
7 Celebrity Crushes
-George Clooney
-Toby Keith
-Tim McGraw
-
-
-
-
7 people who need to do this
-everyone who hasn't (it's tougher than you think)
I'm not sure my brain is working. I'm trying to do this and watch the Olympics. I'll have to come back to it.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

He's a Keeper

Two Things Tonight--
Roses
Snickers Ice Cream

I am Loved!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Finally Together

I consider Dec '05 to be the time that we got together for the final time. It was really hard at first. He had a life to end in another state. He was giving up a home that he loved and 4 girls that he was close to. He had cashed in some of his 401k to buy his dream house on 17 acres in the mountains--lots of fishing and hunting. I wanted all of him but he needed to get out of his relationship, commitments, etc. I couldn't call him or contact him so I had to learn a lot of patience. We saw each other about once a month and talked when he could use a pay phone and a phone card. It was really hard on our relationship but at the same time, we had to build trust in each other.

I clearly remember when I fell in love with him. I think that I had always loved him and cared about him but I wasn't sure that I was "in" love with him until March. He was here for the weekend and getting ready to leave to go back to his house. He said good-bye and walked out the front door. I was very sad. I went to my car, opened the garage door and he was still there. He walked over to me, put his hand on my face and said, "don't be sad, I'll be back" and gave me several kisses on the cheek. It was a very sweet, endearing moment. My heart just sank. I walked around work all day feeling like my best friend just left me. I knew it was love.

He called me a couple of days later and said "I love you". Nothing back from me. The next week, he called again and said, "I love you". He then asked me how I felt about him. I told him I don't toss the word love around. But yes, I love you. I knew from then on I was in it for the long haul.

He then took on remodeling his son's basement and spent the whole month of June with me. What a great time and challenging at the same time. I had to learn how to really say what I wanted and not just give in to him. We talked a lot about becoming a team and not just partners, friends and lovers. We had to learn to work together, play together, fight together and live together. We have worked hard on become a team in all aspects of the word.

That fall, he got a job working with his cousin building fence so we saw each other every weekend. I was always so excited when he got "home" and always sad when he left. In December, he moved in officially with me full time.

I always thought that I would have to give up a lot of my independence being together but I haven't. There are times that all I want to do is be with him. I have moments during the day with a rush of love fills my heart and it's because of him.

So now we are here. We have our home together. We have our life together and everyday I come to the conclusion that I don't want to be anyplace else with anyone else.

There are days that I don't like Cowboy. There are moments that I'm so frustrated with him I can't see straight. And then there are those moments that he does something or says something and I fall in love with him all over again.

And now I'm sharing our life here.

Monday, August 11, 2008

I was determined to move on

I was one determined gal to move on. I started dating. I dated the first guy after Cowboy for about 3 months to long...considering we dated 3 1/2 months. I kept dating him thinking it would get better...but no such luck. I started really working on finding men to date. I accepted blind dates from set-ups of well meaning friends. I looked on the Internet and even considered a dating service. I would date but nothing more significant than a couple of dates and then I would find something wrong with them and I would move on. Oneman had wrinkly stinking shirts...I think his clothes stayed in the washer to long...bye-bye. Another man, not competitive on the golf course...bye-bye. Then there was mister "let me only talk about me"..bye-bye.

I remember coming back to KC after visiting my parents and being very sick. I begged my parents to drive me 2 hours back to my house but they wouldn't go for it. When I got home, Cowboy was there. He looked so good. I hadn't seen him for about 2 years. He was charming and sexy and wanted to have a little romp in bed. It was probably the first time in my life, I said no. Not because I didn't want to but because I was so sick.

I heard from him a couple of months later. He had gotten married again to the gal with the four small girls. (Three weeks after he was at my house.) I'm glad nothing happened between us. He stopped by one more time after that but I was not home. He left a note saying he hoped I was doing well. Then he was gone. He moved out of state.

Cowboy was out of my life for about 2 years and I was doing well. I figured that I needed to do a little work on myself and had a very good friend that confronted me on many of my issues with Cowboy and with men in general. It was very positive growth for me and I was beginning to truly be open to a new relationship.

I became acquainted with a man that lived six hours from me. We had great conversation and had a lot of interests in common. I was planning on meeting him in about three weeks when I had a knock at my door. Surprise! Cowboy was on his way thru town (six hour out of his way).

He told me that he was getting divorced again. He was wrong to get married. He wasn't sure what he was doing with his life but his marital status would change again soon.

I'm not sure that I can do this again. It was November 2005. Can I go thru another heart break? Should I give him a chance again? I did drive 3 hours to meet Jeff. Nice guy and I might have been more interested if Cowboy hadn't have shown up. He still had my heart and as much as I tried not to, we were seeing each other again. It was very tentative at first. I remember New Year's Eve. He looked at me and said, "I think you are cheating on me". I just laughed and he did to. He was the not quite divorced guy. I knew then that things were going to be different.

This time he was different. This time I was different. We were more real with each other. We explored more of life together. We took our time....

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Back to Our Story

I had moved to a different city and hoped to move on to the next chapter of my life. I bought a house, had a good job and was ready for a relationship that would lead to marriage. I became more involved with outside activities and organizations and had let all my friends know that I was interested in dating. Life seemed to be going in a good direction. I was ready to leave Cowboy behind and not wait around for him to show up at random times, and then leave again.

On a Monday night around 9 months after I moved, I got a call from my dad. He said that they had received a call from Cowboy looking for me and left a number and asked me to call him. My heart started racing all over again. He had that effect on me, still under my skin and in my blood. I took a deep breath and called him. It was good to hear his voice. He was getting divorced and said he had been thinking about me. We started seeing each other again. He was different from the party boy. He was the hurt boy. He didn't want to get serious and didn't want to get married. He said that he felt safe around me and that I was the only woman he ever knew that didn't want something from him.

I had decided that I was going to date him for about six months and then decide if I would still see him or end the relationship. We had fun. He had a key to my house and I had one to his. It was a long distance relationship and we saw each other every weekend and we would occasionally sneak in a week night. I was falling in love with a guarded heart. He was still the wounded man saying he was never getting married again.

My time line came and went and I did nothing. I think I could tell that we weren't going forward but that was better than not being together so I stayed. I remember clearly when it started to end. He told me that he was going to help a "friend" from work move. Her husband was sleeping around and he had left her with four small girls. Something inside of me just knew that there was more to the story. He was still in the relationship with me but he was also out. We were together from March to Feb and then it was done. My heart was broken and he had moved on. This is our story and how we seemed to work. I needed to get over him. I needed to be done, but how? When?

Could I really move on?

$9800 Tractor


Absolutely unbelievable that this tractor only brought $9800.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

A Sad Day

Today was the farm sale. My dad has been farming since he was born. He was raised in the home across the street from where he now lives. Farming is all he knows. So for 70 years, he has spent his time, blood, sweat, and tears building this farm. It's time to sale. Dad can't get around as well as he once could. He planted and harvested his last crop of wheat and decided that he was ready to sale.

So today was the day. I got up this morning and went down to the pasture where all the farm equipment was set out and took pictures. (I'll upload some when I get back to my home.) It was weird seeing all the tractors, disc, plows, cultivators and such just sitting in a row for someone else to take home. I was optimistic that it would be a good day. Earlier in the week, it was really hot. When we got up and it was cloudy and overcast, I was excited thinking that it would bring more folk out to the sale. Around 9 o'clock it started to rain...maybe an omen for the day. The sale started at 9:30 and the first to sale was a wagon load of junk. I was the lucky bidder of an antique gas can for my sister. (Although, Dad would have given it to her free.) Some things went with no problem and other stuff wouldn't even draw a bid. The turn out of bidders was pretty decent. I would have hoped for more but it would have been worse with less.

After the junk, Dad's biggest tractor was on the auction block. It's a big tractor and really nice. The opening bid was $20,000 (steal) no takers. What?? Down to $15,000--no takers. Down to $10,000--a crying shame. I'm standing there and it's all that I can do not to cry. My heart is breaking as I look over to my Dad whose head is down. I don't want to see this. I don't want to see him hear that the first bid on the tractor was $7500. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Tears well up in my eyes. It's raining pretty steady at this point and I have to get out of the crowd. I can't cry about this. I can't let anyone see how awful this is. My dad's head is hung low. I see him shake it...no this can't be all that he will get for years of hard work. Hours and hours spent on the tractor to feed is family is worth more than what is being bid. The auctioneer is doing all that he can to raise the bids. "It's a shame" he says. SOLD $9800. Unbelievable. Dad's just shakes his head and moves on.

My brother checks in with him. He says it's sad and he might want to go to the house but he stays. One by one a piece of his farm is sold. Some things bring good money and some things are given away. His combine--also sold for a very low price...one redeeming thing is that it sold to a very young farmer. Dad was glad about that-felt he was helping the next generation out.

It rained the whole sale. Nothing is dry. No one is dry. Almost like God was crying with us. It was sad to see each piece leave the farm. It was sad to watch Dad watch each piece leave the farm. It's sad to watch the end of an era. It was a sad day.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Time Out

Want to let you all know that I will get back to my story. We are down on the farm for the big sale and today was extremely busy but we got alot accomplished. The sale is tomorrow morning and although it is a good thing, it is very sad. I will get caught up tomorrow on sunday.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

In My Blood

I don't know, call it all the beer or the sex talk or being alone in a strange town with someone that I will never see again. Maybe it was the fact that Cowboy was hot and sexy...Don't judge me but the combination of all the above happened and I let him follow me into my hotel room. We were just going to talk and maybe 'make out' a little. It had been a while since I had dated someone and he was sexy. The next thing I know, he was naked...wait, how did that happen. No really, how did that happen. I told him I wasn't that kind of girl and I wasn't. Never any one night stands for me. I was the good Catholic girl that didn't do that kind of thing. Well, one thing lead to another and when he was almost asleep, I reconsidered. (We still laugh about that.) Oh what fun!

Needless to say, after he left, I didn't get much sleep that night and I can't believe what I did. But it was so much fun. During the break at the conference the next day, Barb tracked me down in the bathroom to say that Cowboy was there and looking for me. Holy shit! I was in the same clothes as last night (I'd only taken one change of clothes.) Deep breath. He wanted to go for a motorcycle ride when I was done and maybe out to dinner. That's not how a one night stand was supposed to end. I had to decline since my family was meeting me at my house for the weekend. And just that quick, it was over. No numbers, no I'll see you again just bye.

About a month later, I called "E" town. I had found out enough about him to make the call. He was staying with his mother since his father just passed away. She took the message and that was that. A couple of nights later, I get a call from Cowboy. He was at a gas station three blocks from my house. And just that quick, it began. We "dated" or whatever you want to call it for about 3 months. It was a long distance relationship and I was in grad school. He was really not in a place of his life that he was ready to settle down. Out all night with the boys, partying, drinking, etc. I ended it and told him that he was to wild for me. About a month later, he called saying he missed me and wanted to see me. I said okay, silly me. We saw each other for about two months and then we were done again.

He was a blast to be around. But I was still in school. Different times in our lives. I couldn't get him out of my mind but I knew he wasn't the right one at that time.

Several months later, he showed up at my house. He had gotten married to a gal that was about 16 years younger than he was. It was a time of my life with him that I'm not proud of. He was in my blood. I couldn't think straight when he was around. That's what he was like for the next 5 years. Just popped in and then was gone. I knew he couldn't stay and I couldn't send him away. He was my addiction.

I finally moved. No forwarding address for him and no number he could call. Maybe I could move on.

Maybe....

Till next time...



Tuesday, August 5, 2008

This Is My Man



This is my man, the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'm really not sure why after these photos. This man makes me laugh. I've decided that it's time that I tell you all how we met and how we got together.

In 1993, I was working for the state as a social worker in a unique position working with kids aging out of the foster care system. The state had a conference in "E"-town. I went not knowing anyone else who was attending the two day conference. At the end of the first day, I had befriended two of the women who were also at the conference, Barb and Carmen. There was a pretty lame wine and cheese party and as Barb and I were talking, Carmen approached us. Barb told her that if she didn't want us to talk about her, she better plan on going out with us that night. It was a go.

Barb, Carmen and I went for dinner and then shopping. Lots of girl talk and talk about sex and men and you know...everything that complete strangers can talk about after a couple of beers. Later in the evening, we were off to a country bar where we had the pleasure of participating in Karaoke night. Barb suggested a performance of "Leader of the Pack". Barb took the lead and Carmen and I played the back up singers with a dance routine worked out in the bathroom. What a hoot!

After our performance, a total cowboy came up to us and asked for one of us to sing a duet with him. We all passed. He was a pretty good singer and came back to mill around our table. Later in the evening, he asked me to dance--no problem. Then he kept asking and hanging around. I had my own cowboy for the evening. As the night came to a close, he asked us to go to another bar with him. He told Barb and Carmen to follow him, because I was riding with him. Off we went. I know, I know, not a smart move but 15 years ago, you just didn't think anything would happen to you. (Barb said later, everyone in the bar knew Cowboy, so if anything did happen, she would have retraced our steps).

Barb and Carmen never show up at the other bar. I quickly found out that Cowboy was a little reckless. He took out his golf clubs, teed up a ball in the crack of the sidewalk and hit the ball toward the police station. What??? (I didn't like golf at that time so I just thought he was crazy). Cowboy was exciting and fun. He was also pretty hot. Damn he looked good in Wrangler's, still does. We were having a good time. We left there and drove around the town and then off to breakfast at some all night joint. Great conversation, lots of laughs, etc. but then again, I had several beers that night. On our way back to the hotel where I was staying, he commented that I needed to be quiet not to wake up my roommate. No roommate--his comment, then I'm coming in.

More next post.....



Monday, August 4, 2008

It's Freakin' HOT

I don't complain about the heat. I love summer, but it's freakin' hot. In our infinite wisdom, we got a tee time for 1p yesterday. Smack dab in the hottest part of the day. We played last year when the thermometer read 112 so no problem with yesterday right. What about the humidity? I was wringing wet. Not a dry article of clothing on me. Sucked the life right out of me. Cowboy and I came home and we took a shower and laid on the bed recovering for the next two hours. Cowboy never lays down so you know it had to be hot.

Then today, it was off to the "try-out" gym. I swear they keep it warm in there, so again, not a dry piece of clothing on me and then it was home to water all those cute flowers I planted when the weather was 70 degrees. They're not so cute now.

The gym is getting a little better but it's still not like our old gym. It's really more like a warehouse pick up joint than an gym. Muscle heads flexing in the mirror and walking around all pumped up like some steroid knuckle head. Then there are the little skinny bitches that are dressed more for picking up on the muscle heads than flexing their own muscles.

Only 25 more days then back to our little gym...

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Family Reunion

Cowboy's parents are deceased. His dad died of a heart attack at the age of 59 before I met Cowboy. His mother died of cancer about three years later after I dated Cowboy for the first time 15 years ago. Cowboy then adopted his best friend's mom. His best friend is in the yellow shorts. This is such a fitting picture of the two of them. Outside fishing, only because hunting season is not here. They are a lot alike.

Today was the 'D' family reunion. This is the third year that I have went with Cowboy. The first time was 15 years ago and then again last year. We don't often do 'family' activities with Cowboy's family (since he's doesn't really have much of an extended family). I love being able to share this with him. I wish he had close family ties since my family is so important to me. The day was really good. The food was awesome and I was pretty comfortable this year since I have a little connection with his family for the second year in a row.

After the reunion, we went to visit Cowboy's old neighbors. They were thrilled to see him. They are an older couple that have been very good to Cowboy over the years and he to them. They were so excited that we stopped by. They wanted to fix us supper and since we couldn't stay they sent home tomatoes and cucumbers. You don't find people any better than the ones we spent the day with.

Here was our entertainment for the day. Oscar was rescued in Tennessee after his owners tried to kill him by hitting him in the head with a hammer and throwing him in a swift moving river. He is the cutest thing and will soon be adopted by Cowboy's adopted family.

Friday, August 1, 2008

What I don't do now...

video

I think I got it. Hope you enjoy this as much as I do.

We went to the new gym again. It was a little better the second time but I'm pretty sure we aren't going to join. Afterwards we had to go wash the car. Cowboy just can't have a dirty car. At the car wash, he asked how long it had been since I washed the car....I haven't for the past couple of years.

I started thinking about all the things I haven't done since we've been together. I haven't washed the car. I haven't mowed the yard. I haven't taken out the trash. I haven't fixed anything around the house. I don't always have to drive. I don't always have to do the dishes. I don't often fix my lunch for work. I don't fix breakfast during the week.

I was single for a very long time, about 39 years. I loved living on my own and doing all the things I needed to do for myself. But being in a relationship has also been awesome. I tell Cowboy all the time that we need to be a team and work together. I had a lot of fear about giving up so much of my independence and I'm finding that I can give up some of the things that I used to do and be fine. I never wanted to be a dependent woman. I am very thankful for how we have found a grove.

I told Cowboy that we were going to get married on 03-06-09. His response, "I need to take out the trash." I'm going to keep working towards that. Wish me luck.