I'm going to do it.

How many post have I written about my weight??? Too many to count and not do anything about. We are three months away from my big day and I don't want to get married weighing the heaviest that I ever have in my entire life.

Dr. Phil says you can't change something unless you acknowledge it. So here it goes. I weigh 198 lbs. Two pounds short of 200. And today I'm starting to do something about it.

It started with a 5:30a gym visit. I am planning on eating healthier and exercising. I would like to shoot for losing 2 pounds a week for the next 12.

I'm starting a "fit club" at work and it will be my motivation to stay focused on my goal.

No more whining and not doing anything. No more complaining. I have never weighed this much and it's too much!

The time is now... I'll keep you updated, to hold myself accountable.

PS..I had my last cherry coke until after the I do's.

I'm tired.

Just a few more family pictures. Here are the boys--my dad, nephew and Cowboy.

The last pic to share from Christmas--guess who got a little wound up and had to take a time out. It was the cutest thing in the world.

I'm tired, emotionally and probably a little physically. Although Christmas was good, it was challenging and at times difficult and frustrating. I know that I have mentioned that my mom suffers from bi-polar disorder. Most of the time she is medicated appropriately and everything is good. Then she will have periods of depression and mania. Although, the depression is not good for her, it is easier to deal with. The mania gives her lots of energy but is often more difficult for the family to deal with.

It seems like the holidays have been during a period of depression or mania. I can recall three holidays in the past several years that have been challenging. One when mom was so depressed that she needed to be told what to do and two in which the mania was present.

About four or five years ago, I spent 10 hours at Thanksgiving time cleaning the house and getting ready for the family and then another 13 hours at Christmas time cleaning again and getting the house ready for family. It was very emotionally hard on me. I think that I tend to see more of what goes on with my mom because I go to the farm and stay versus my siblings that live around there and are only there for a couple hours at at time.

I knew that the mania was present this year at Thanksgiving time. It shows up as the house being very messy with lots of projects started and not finished. There are lots of "I'll get to that in a little while". There are lots of lets do this and then get on to something else.

I love my mom dearly and am very thankful for her. However, the holiday was challenging. Cowboy saw it for the first time. I over function and do a lot around the house. I know I could say no, but really, can you say no to a mother with mental illness. It takes a toll on me. (Kim, don't read this and feel guilty.) I get tired and need a break. My dad did acknowledge that I do a lot but we all seem to be at a loss at times like this and don't really know what to do to 'fix' it.

Several years ago, I did get my mom to go to counseling and on proper medication.

It's just hard. So I'm tired. I need time to rest and recover.

Christmas is Over

Christmas is over, both sadness and joy are present. I had a very blessed holiday and enjoyed my family and the time that we spent together. I love Christmas and so I'm sad that it is over for another year. Here are a few pics of our time together.

New Christmas sweatshirts-Mom and her girls minus one sister.
My great-niece and her new shirt thanks to Aunt MJ.

My two nieces that are not from the same family but could be sisters instead of cousins.

My sister, Kim, who reads my blog, and our nephew, laughing with each other.

I was down on the farm from Wednesday to Saturday and Cowboy was down there until Friday. We had two family gatherings and one day of shopping, first with the boys (dad and Cowboy) and then with the girls (my mom and sister). There was a lot going on. My mom's birthday was yesterday so I was able to spend the day with her.

It was good spending time with the family. I love being around my siblings and my parents. I think that I am very fortunate to have such a good, kind, and loving family. At a time when the world seems tough, I am very thankful that my parents did such a great job of raising a family that enjoys being around each other.

I hope everyone was as fortunate as I was this holiday season.

I have lots more to talk about but will do it in another post.

2 days left

Can you believe it's almost here? Christmas is just 2 days away as if anyone needs reminding. I have my packages bought and wrapped. I have my laundry done and packed for our trip. I have everything organized and ready to go. I can't believe that I actually got everything done. I'm relieved and glad. I have a few things to finish doing before we leave for the farm.

Cowboy and I are having a tough time deciding what to do for the trip to the farm. He doesn't want to stay down there from Wed to Sunday and neither do I but we had a change of family plans. My family always gets together on Christmas Eve. However, with Christmas being on Thursday, most of the family has to work on Wednesday. So we are having a small gathering on Wednesday and the big family gathering on Saturday. Saturday is also my mother's birthday. That means we will be down on the farm 4 days. We were just there for Thanksgiving and for a holiday dinner two weeks ago. I love my family but I also really like the quiet and comfort of our home.

I think we will drive two vehicles down and Cowboy will come back early with a load of wood and I will come back on Sunday. Who knows how this will all work out?

Cowboy and I exchanged gifts today. I wanted a new coat and he shopped for hours and bought me not one but two new coats. I loved them both. He got a new razor and he loved it. So we are both happy campers tonight. He also took me out for an awesome chicken dinner with enough leftovers for lunch tomorrow.

Life is good.

Brrrrr

I will just preface this with one thing. It was amazingly, freakin' cold yesterday. What I won't do for my friends. My best friend and her husband came to town from Florida to go to the game. It was only hmmm.... 8 degrees with a wind chill of -20. We were there from the kick off to the very last tick of the clock. Cowboy left with 3 minutes left of the game to warm up the truck and when we got there, no warm truck and even more important no Cowboy. I called him and he walked around the whole stadium looking for the truck only to find out he was about 100 yards away from the start.

It was still fun and the game was good. Larry was happy that Miami won. So I'm sure it was well worth the free tickets and $22 parking.

We came home to a cold house. The wood stoves are having a hard time keeping up. After getting somewhat thawed out we met our college friends out for dinner and a few drinks.

I can hardly believe that we all met in '84 and still don't miss a beat when we all get together. It was a fun evening. I was glad to see my best friend again. It was even better seeing her and my other friends again.

On a whole other subject, my back and hip are still hurting me. I can truly say I know why some people would turn to taking lots of pain pills. I haven't been able to sleep and the heating pad is my best friend. I know that I should go to the doctor but haven't taken the time to go. I know, I know don't complain if I'm not going to do anything about it.

Guess Who is Done

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care. MJ was sleeping well in her bed with the shopping all done and the presents all wrapped.

Thank goodness for girlfriends and power shopping. I was done before I knew it. I had vowed that I was going to shop all day and into the night if I had to. I was home by 1:30p and had everything wrapped by 4:30p. Cowboy was pleased with everything that I brought home and I found lots of great deals. The biggest bargain that I really wanted was a Wii. I left it in the store. It was on sale for $249. I was so tempted but left it sitting on the shelf. That was a tough one for me to pass up since I really want one.

Just to let you all know how much color Cowboy brings to my life. I came home the other day and was greeted by Cowboy wearing my new hat. He pretty cute in it but I'm way cuter than he is with it on.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow and seeing my friend again. The temperature is supposed to be in the single digits. I'm not sure that I have enough clothes to keep me warm. I'm sure that Sherry and her hubby will be even colder than I will since they have blood thinned by the Florida weather. Oh what we do for our friends.

I've Gotten Started

Cowboy moaned and groaned the whole night but he went Christmas shopping with me. He carted me around to every mall, shopping center and store that I wanted to go to. He was a little bah-humbug the whole time but he did it. He doesn't have a lot of money so he doesn't really feel like he can spend lots of money.

I received a little blessing in my pay check today. My boss did my evaluation (6 months late) and I got retro pay. I always think its going to be more but I was thankful for what I got. This will let me do my Christmas shopping with out much guilt.

The work Christmas party was a smashing success. I've gotten started on my Christmas shopping and all my little projects are done.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel and rest is on the way. My back is still hurting but I have a few pain pills from my eye surgery that I may take to help me sleep.

On a side note, we have not heard from or spoken to Cowboy's daughter for about 5 months. We found out her new phone number and Cowboy called her. She's mad at him and the call didn't go so well. A couple of days later I called her and invited her over around Christmas. I talked with her again last night and she agreed to come over next week. Say a prayer that she follows through.

Off to bed, lots of shopping to do tomorrow!

I'm tired

It dawned on me today how tired I am. Not just physically tired but mentally tired as well. Work has put so much on my plate. Trying to get ready for Christmas, has worn me out. And my freakin' hip/back is still killing me. I haven't slept the whole night through for two weeks. The heating pad is my best friend and I hate sleeping on my back.

I want Santa to bring be a month off of work and a well back and nothing but fun. Not to much to ask. Please, please, please, Santa hear my wishes.

8 Days left

Sadie is kinda sick. The picture is from my parents house. She waits under the table for something to eat and my mom has a hard time saying no to her. At my parents house, they don't do a good job of putting food away. Given that, Sadie ate half of a red forest cake. Last night, she didn't eat her food and today she threw up what she ate this morning. Sadie is a fanatical eater so missing a meal is a big deal. I hope she not getting to sick.

So there is only 8 days left. I'm no closer to getting Christmas done. In fact, I've started more projects and finished none.

Saturday will be the day for shopping. Sunday, my best friend and her hubby are coming to town and we are going to the football game. Never mind that the temperature will be around 19 degrees, holy shit, it will be cold. I'm excited about their visit.

I have to get busy!

Almost done

Here is my picture frame Christmas ornament. Looking cute!

The Program

I have never had the opportunity to go to my niece or nephews school program so staying an extra day at the parents and getting home a midnight on Monday night was well worth it.

Here is the best story of the night. This cute little pre-schooler stood on stage with his hands politely in front of him (him in the middle). As he stood their, he started playing with is "privates". I thought it was nerves. I kept an eye on him amongst laughing at all the little ones. They were adorable. When the songs were done, I glanced back at my 'boy' and poor thing, he was walking off the stage with his legs spread wide apart and the whole front of his pants wet. Poor little boy.



BooMan was a super star in the play. He sang his solo like a pro and said his lines like he was born on stage. But like every superstar he had a blooper. He messed up his easiest line. The line was "No"--he started saying something, looked at the teacher and said "What" and then said "No". My dad oohed and aahed over his performance, thought he was comparable to Perry Como or Bing Crosby...I would say my father is A LITTLE BIASED.
Little Miss did a great job playing the flute and then was a part of the chorus and did a great job. She wasn't feeling good so her dramatic flair was not as flaired.

The trip home was good. We got home at midnight to a very cold house--it was 55 degrees. It was 10 degrees outside. Our wood stoves were out and the furnace was down low. BRRRRR

I'm really glad we took the time and went home for the weekend. We were able to get a few more things done for my Mom. We got the Christmas tree up, a shelf put up for her and some blinds taken down. Cowboy keeps reminding me that some day I won't have parents so I need to be patient.

It was a Smash

The brunch for the neighbor ladies was a smash. All the little old ladies, seriously some very old, showed up in their best Christmas sweaters and just thanked me over and over again for hosting such a nice event. It was really fun to get to meet several ladies in the neighborhood that I had not met before. It was also fun to spend time with some that I had met but did not know very well. This really cute lady around 80 years old told me that Cowboy looked handsome in his cowboy hat and if she were younger she would "steal him away from me". The thing about it is that I believe she meant it.

We are now down at my parents house and went to a family dinner with all the cousins. Lots of questions about the wedding and the big day, etc. I had sent out Christmas cards with a little "Save the Date" cards tucked in. Many of them did not know about the engagement yet. They all seemed pretty excited.

The weather has turned pretty nasty. If school is closed tomorrow, the program is canceled and Cowboy and I will head back to the city early. I hope that doesn't get bad enough for that to happen. I would love to see BooMan sing. (Speaking of him, he might be taking after Cowboy. He shot his very first 8 point buck yesterday.)

TGIF

TGIF--I'm glad the week is over but that means that I am closer to Christmas and I still have not bought one present. I still don't have my list made.

I am ready for the brunch tomorrow thanks to Cowboy. I'm having the neighbor ladies over. My Cowboy got the house all spiffed up and it looks fantastic. I have the food bought and most of it ready to pop into the oven. I'm a little anxious to see how many of my neighbors will show up. I know that I will have around 10 but if a whole lot more show up, I'm not sure where I would put them.

Cowboy is really funny. He complained all week about about having the "old biddies" tromping through the house and then he cleaned the place up so it is awesome.

This weekend will be a little crazy, brunch tomorrow, processing deer meat and then shopping with my friend. Sunday is the extended family dinner down on the farm and Monday were staying on the farm and then going to my nephews and nieces Christmas program where my nephew has the lead role and a solo. It will be the first time that I have been able to go to their Christmas party.

Power Tools

So here is my big secret. I love power tools. I have my own cordless drill, two years ago for Christmas, I got a miter saw. And today, my very own table saw. Ohh-Ahh. It's it beautiful.

We have a wonderful neighbor that we asked to use his table saw. He was all ready for us to use his until today. He brought me my very own table saw. Way above and beyond what a neighbor should do for us. His only condition--the only gift we can give him in the future is a wedding gift and he has vowed to never marry again. I was needing the table saw to make these gifts. They don't look like much but they will after they are painted and decorated. The are picture frame tree ornaments. Now before you think I'm a real genius, I got the idea out of a magazine. I'll post a picture when they are done.
But again, can I tell you how excited I am about my table saw. I may sleep in the garage tonight.

Check List

Christmas cards addressed, signed and sealed--Check.

This is progress. One step at a time. One thing down and 10 million to go. Really, when am I going to have time. If it weren't for Cowboy, I would have 20 million things to do. Next year, maybe no gifts, no cards and a Christmas boycott. But I can't do that. I love Christmas. I love the craziness. I just wish my house wasn't so junkie in the process.

Can't blog much, need to move on to the next thing.

And by the way--my boy does have sock tan lines--didn't realize they were so noticeable. Didn't I tell you he was a country boy and can't go without his socks.

Christmas Rush

Look who's happy about Cowboy being home. Actually, maybe she's waiting to lick the bowl.

Can you believe that Christmas is fastly approaching. How does it sneak up on me every year? I hate it when people say that they've finished their shopping. How does that happen? I don't even have a list of people that I want to get something for. Cowboy says that I'm trying to do to many things at once. Maybe I am but I have so much that I want to do. I feel like I need to be better at being organized but I can't seem to get there. Work is really crazy so I don't have a chance to catch my breath there. I'm trying to do wedding planning, Christmas and everything. I need to make a list. I need to put together a plan, but when will I have time to do that??

Cowboy is Home

Cowboy made it home with his deer. He's a tired and worn out but had a good time. My back is feeling better. We're going to have a little dinner and just snuggle in for the evening. I'm glad he's home.

It's beginning to look alot like Christmas

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas in our household. Yesterday and today have been a real struggle for me. My back is killing me. It is bad. I can only seem to get comfort if I am standing up. Sitting down and laying down are real killers. This happened to me a couple of years ago and I went to a chiropractor who said my back wasn't out and most likely a cold has settled into my back. That may be the case again.

Since my back is fine when I am standing up, I got a lot done today. All of our Christmas decorations are up and the house is clean. Cowboy is still gone and will be coming home tomorrow. He's gotten out of decorating again this year. Which also means, he's had no say in how much stuff I put up. The house is looking fabulous.

I am hosting a brunch for the ladies of our neighborhood next Saturday so I feel that I am at least ready to do that.

Last year, we had an open house for the holidays. It was a house warming/open house and I received a Christmas cactus. Much to my surprise, I didn't kill it and it actually bloomed this year.
Our mantel is all decorated. I could just sit in that room for hours with all the lights off. I love Christmas decorations and the spirit of the holidays.

I'm looking forward to Cowboy coming home. He's been gone since Wednesday. That's about the longest he's been gone leaving me at home since we moved in. He said he is having a great time and is happy about the results of the big hunt. He's been able to spend some time with his cousin and visiting old neighbors. I'm glad he is having a good time.

I have cookies baking in the oven and they are done... gotta go have some warm cookies and milk, couldn't wait for Santa.

Wedding Called Off??

He's calling the wedding off or so he says. This is the result of male bonding, a little hunting and a whole lot of whiskey. Cowboy called and said his buddies are giving him so much shit about getting married for the 4th time that he might have to call the wedding off, move into his cousin's barn and start building fence. Well, okay if that's what you want.

Cowboy then stepped out of the barn where the male bonding was occurring and said that was not what he wanted. Instead, he might want to invite his buddies to the wedding. Silly, whiskey soaked boy.

10 point Buck

Well, the hunter called and told me that he shot the big 10 point buck. He was pretty excited and says now he is looking for the big doe to bring home. I'm happy for him. I must admit that I wish he would hurry home. Taking care of both wood stoves is a chore. I can do it but is so much easier when he is home.

My family had a little scare yesterday. My dad passed out and hit the table when he fell. He has a big shiner and went to the ER. The doctors thought it might be a result of the medication that he was on causing his blood pressure to drop. My dad is never sick. My mom is the frail one in the family. I have seen the effects of age on my dad in the past couple of years but he continues to work everyday and is generally very healthy. I think that this has scared most of the family. I hope it is the medication and they can find something else that works.

Feeling Shortchanged

So I called Cowboy today to check where he was. He was leaving to go deer hunting, so when I got ahold of him I asked where he was. He told me he was in Emporia and it was party night and he was going chase women. He informed me that I needed to hurry home and to take care of things. I told him that I had plans to go chase men. Gotcha...he was home. He's leaving early, early in the morning. He wanted to take me out for dinner and found a coupon in the mail for dinner. Fazoli's it was.

Our coupon was buy one get one free. I paid $7 and he pitched in $1.16. Dinner was okay. As we were driving away, he commented, "I'm feeling a little shortchanged, I only paid $1.16 and didn't get to tip anyone since no one came to our table". Crazy man! He makes me laugh. I'm never quite sure what will come out of his mouth. and if it will even make sense.

Thanksgiving ReCap

I didn't blog much about Thanksgiving because it was a whirlwind of work and I had to get a little space between it and me. My mother, bless her heart, seems to be going thru a 'manic' period right now. This most often shows by the condition of the house. Projects are started and never finished. Home was really difficult to walk into. I ended up cleaning and cooking for Thanksgiving and then next two days I spent orchestrating the redecorating of the living room, bathroom and bedroom. Below are the before and after pics of the bedroom. All projects turned out great and mom was really pleased but I worked my butt off and didn't get the restful weekend that I had hoped. Cowboy reminds me over and over that I need to be thankful to have my mother still here and he is right.

The final outcome for the bedroom. It has warm colors with lots of shimmery fabrics. Looks fabulous.

I really struggle with my mom's mental health issues and sometimes get really resentful that she has periods of time that are worse than others. I also think it's harder on me than my siblings since they never stay at my parents home (they all live close to mom and dad). I know in the end I'll be glad that I have done so much for my mom but sometimes it's really hard.